life or the so called life

sometimes it makes me wonder...what is the purpose of living the life im living...I mean living life like a nobody....is not something appealing...yeah sure when you are born you parents, other family members and neighbours perhaps rejoice at the miracle of birth yet again...a new life being among them... but that sure is short lived...over the span of "life" on the face of this earth...we also tend to make friends (some very close ones one could treasure for life) and some not that close... & acquaintances of our own....and then if you travell across the barrier of this life and into the next one..the one called afterlife....again sure a few people would miss you...but that is all...

I cannot remember when I lost my desire to strive for a few things I thought were really important to me....and I can't remember when a few people I thought would be there with me for life...left my side even before I had begun to understand the complexities of life...and it hurt a lot...suddenly finding myself alone..without the familiar faces around....but I guess this is life...and you learn to live it as it comes and move on....Moving on is probably one of the most commonly used phrases...one can come across....evryone is advising evryone to move on with life all the time...its easier said than done...

especially if you tend to be one who cries bucketfulls when watching melodramatic films and get dewy eyed at the merest mention of loved ones....Its kindof embarassing I tell you...

I am very happy today due to a variety of diferent reasons...but somewhere at the back of my mind...I feel a tad melancholy...I dreamt about things I thought I had gotten totally over and thought that I had managed to get out of my system...it seemed pretty surreal too...but was a stupid dream after all....but not everyone gets the thing they wish for....wishful thinking is fun but is limited to being a figment of our imagination.....mostly....

Oh I wish I could get so many different things....and be with some people....I would like to be with....wishful thinking...but i so so wish...for things to change...

mad eye moody!!

im back.....its been a crazy few weeks....so much is goin on...that even before i realised the month is gone....times flying.....its been very hectic.....i havent been able to blog or read blogs for a long time....havent had the opportunity to organise my thoughts to sit down and write em out....neway...not tht i have much to write now...actually i do..i mean i can...just that its a wierd feeling coudn't be bothered making sense of whats going on in my head and writing it out.....the thoughts flow..but i keep em to myself...im actually pretty cranky now...actually the past few days i have been so....theres more than one reasons behind it..of which few are within my control...few arent...but i have done nothing to regulate the ones in my control....damn....i donno what am i even writing....oh i miss someone so bad....i wish i could talk to tht someone who i misss... sigh sigh...if only i could do and get what i wanted...

If OnLy!!!!

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit” -Napoleon Hill

i have uploaded a couple of really messed up barely watchable video footage of the NYE fireworks...and a still snap..

heres a joke...i found somewhere...Jon goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.

On his way home, Jon puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo! He sees everyone in the street naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! "Cool!"

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife, Judi, but can't find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and the postman, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked.

Jon then says: "Damn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're already broken!"

heres another one....

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well", he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's THE night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack". The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person". He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist".

ok enough of lame jokes...lol...heres something else ......which mimics my feelings completely..and i guess it does for a lot of other people out there tooo....
its called ....if only....

There are times in my life when I sit back, close my eyes, take a deep breath and say..."if only". Then I find myself locked in once more in the past....I can't seem to move on. One minute I'm moving forward and then Im reminded of something, next thing I know I'm back in memory lane. Going through all the good times that I never thought would end...oh it feels so good to belong, to know that someone will always be behind you and you would feel like you can do anything cause you believe that when everything goes wrong, someone would catch you and prevent you from being broken....but when the person whom you believe to be more than your lover but a bestfriend too turned out to be a hypocrite then you would see that everything that surrounds you slowly melts away because they are all lies, then you would realize...if only you could turn back time....that's how I feel. If only I could turn back the hands of time then in a heartbeat I would say what I truly feel inside, I would no longer care if I would look stupid or whatever, bottomline I would be free. Its so difficult to lock up something in your heart because it just strengthens over time and when you cant finally contain it you would explode and your heart will be blown out, you wouldn't know where to find the scattered pieces. In just one wrong decision and here I am, sitting....remembering....having too many "if only's" and once again I feel as if I am in a middle of nowhere....totally lost. I know that no matter how many times I say "if only" I cant undo what has been done and that's the saddest part, we always have to live in the consequences of everything we say and do, it's the reality that life isn't like a computer that when you did a wrong command all you have to do is click the undo button or the escape key then your system is still safe....and with every painful memory, you can't just go delete it...you have to deal with it which makes me say "IF ONLY moving on is as easy and simple as saying it....IF ONLY".