Infect this world....

yet another late nite post...happened to have a conversation with a friend...one of those touchy ones...abt people using people...and just bothering to keep touch when in need...actually more for personal selfish reasons...
and the likes of it...

neway that struck a familiar chord....one of those been there....seen it moments....just happened to remember this forward mail a friend had sent me...its called "the 48 laws of power"...one of them says

Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies

Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

I have learnt it the hard way tooo....It hurts as hell to start with when u feel betrayed....and the very person u thought was ur closest person...does a 180 degree and comes out of the camouflage that you thought was reality....first comes intense anger...and then with realisation comes pain...a lot of pain....and then with time comes acceptance and you learn to move on...thts what people around always keep saying neway....just move on....life will pick up pace soon....

and if one happens to be like me...bit too emotional...it takes more time to get over people...and if its matters of the heart...somewhere at the back of the mind always i think....neway....

like i was saying...most people you meet are just the pretentious type who would just love to share the limelight with you...and try to slip away unnoticed at the first signs of un happiness...weell when i say that i don't mean...stick thru a horrible crisis come what may and sulk and mourn even if u can't do anythign to change things...but...just letting one know that if needed you can be a shoulder to cry on makes a lot of difference....trust me!!!.....those few words are so powerful....as to make a difference to the persons state of mind...

at least you tried to make them smile...and boy the joy u'll feel if u can make a difference in someones life...is not comparable to anything...well not quiet but its a good feeling...

and to keep away from misery....best thing to do is to connect less with people...very very hard to achieve for some...but if attained...u can be happy...

after all every day we live we try to wake up with a smile on our face...and make sure you don't forget to pass it on to as many people as possible...a smile can be one of the most contagious things on the face of this planet...so infect as many people as u can...thats what I have in mind ....smiling doesn't hurt or cost you anything...on the other hand it might make someone else...day a little better if not a lot...so be a happy puppy and infect this world with your smile....

strangeness....

Have my exams goin on now...one down two more to go...they are pretty spread out...and hence finish late..screwed up and made a stupid mistake in the first one...suddenly coudn't remember the log likelihood function of a duration model that follows exponential distribution..:( but im pleased with my johansens cointegration and vector error correction model answers...poured my heart out....

..and I got a fantastic Job offer tooo....I'm so soooooo happy...start early next year....the pays pretty good too...so its all good...

I'm also looking for ways to subtly breaking off with someone....there seems to be no spark and I'm incredibly bored tooo....man this one is gonna be pretty hard...missed a frnch film last weekend:(....but plan to go see the counterfeiters sometime soon. heard its really good..and besides its an interesting plot based on real facts...

I also learned that i get to spend more time in india now than i had thought i would be able to earlier...P is coming back this saturday....will be lonely no more!!!

trying to deal with Taylor's rule rite now...so I'll get back to that....

SlIcE it up...

xams start in less than a fortnights time...and i still have an assignment to submit...im mostly at home these days..no more classes for this semester...its just brushing up and studying...with P gone and S never at home...tend to get lonely a lot...so when ever im not studying i either listen to music...or think abt things(my usual habbit of thinking too much) or i have been watching lot of friends and movies whenever im taking a break...

just watched this french (there goes my obssession!!)film called monique...genre says romantic comedy....wierd...about this couple who break up..the wife was cheating on the husband...and she moves out of home with "the other 1" and meanwhile the guy (alex) orders this silicon life size doll with the perfect figure every guy would kill for....and being all by himself he renovates a massive part of the house and makes it all pink...drapes..to sheets...to toilet seat cover to car...and so obssessed is he...he goes and buys lingerie (really nice expensive ones two....i loved most of them!) for the doll...so hes spending days "playing"with Monique..untill his friends comes by and finds out and then word reaches his other acquaintances and wife...and she gets mad at him..jealous of a moulded doll with huge tits...!!! was a funny flick....ends well...

that was my break...its almost 1am...and im as fresh as an owl...shld hopefully be able to stay up the nite...and work on some stuff....planning on finishing a lot of stuff this weekend....I also watched Ironman last tuesday...reminded me how HOT Robert downey Jr. is....i have a thing for older men...evryone thinks its wierd...but neway....its a must watch...a fab flick....would love to watch it again....
and i saw nine months which made me realise Hugh grants a spunk too...theres so many good looking fellas...around....i wish i cld have my pick....oh well not tht im complaining with my current options...:) im happy....so that is a teeny tiny slice of my life...as of now......

Crazy.....

times been flying...the past few weeks have been so busy....when i look back and thnk of it.....neway...things have been going goood....a lot of things have been happening....with semester nearing the end assignments and presentations and research needs to be done....ive been so busy...its late nite when i realise the day went by...nd tht too so quick....

havnt got time for nething these days...my wardrobes increasing in size by the day....being a shopaholic...i try and avoid shops altogether....coz i succumb to temptations too easily....blew up more than half a grand the other day...neway....its finally stopped raining....but its really cold...oh its winter afterall...eagerly awaiting for november to be here.....have a lot of things planned up.....oh! i can hardly wait....its gonna be so much fun...INDIA again....yippeee!!!

over the past couple of days had been getiing a wierd back of mind feeling something (i thnk good) is about to happen....ive tried making sense....of all these flashin images in my head...and the feeling i wake up with each morning....but i donno..makes no sense to me..a couple identities....recurring dreams...and my one off sleep babbling....i hope it all means something....

thngs are back to normal....kindofff...with few people who had been acting all wierd....talking out things definitely helps....but few others are going crazy now...god this viscious circle...hope my acquaintances/friends get back their sanity soon....

OnE NiGhT...

have you ever thought one night stands can actually turn out to be full on romances..or can end up being fucked up mistakes...which end up ruining the actual proper relationship....welll theres other ways people can get fucked up as welll...i guess....nneway...yet another friday night...and obviously weekend mood kicking in...was meant to be doin somethign else rite now but the damn....fucking weather...just ruined my plans....yet nother time...neway at least will manage to catch up on some sleep and movies and readings...

today i was in a i -feel-like-doin-whatever-the-hell-i wanna...mood....but nature decided to go against...neway...sitting and collecting thoughts isnt too bad either...im surprised at how i like or well wdnt mind doing stufff..i found unacceptable..or dislaiked before...why and how did these changes happen...i donno....wish someone could answer all my Y's and How's....neway....none of what i wrote makes ne sense to me whatso ever...may be not a good time to blog...incoherent...words here and there...all over the place...but felt good to talk to a buddy of mine....may be im just thinking too much...may be ill wake up tommorrow and all the unhappiness..worries will have evaporated....like in the enchanted world...of gizelle....i was watching enchanted...a fun film....nd gizelle who was pushed into the real world NY city....is still hanging on to her biliefs...about her true love...first kiss....nd all that immensely romantic stuff....sounds too good to be true...lol...newho..shld leave it here for now....

PhAnToM MiRaGe....

a few sparkling dew drops here and there...a lovely bright day....the nearly clear blue firmament ...and a random few cumulus floating around...a lone silhoutte on a narrow wooden bridge...and a meandering trickle of a stream flowing underneath...soft laughter of kids playing in th eambience...and the gentle rhythm of ringing chimes....in the mild summer breeze.....a LoSt feeling in thy heart...

This is what i was visualising when my "BlOoDcUrDlInG ScReAm" alarm rudely jerked me out of sleep early today......time to get jerked back into reality and out of the picture perfect world where everything is what i want it to be...as in Im The Queen in that creation...wish things would be remotely similar to taht picture..i have in mind...hehe...
neway on my lunch break now...kind off sleepy...and high (high on tiredness i Guess!!)....coz funny things are going through my mind....

Happened to watch P.S I LoVe YoU...yesterday at teh cinemas with P...my Roomie...Its a romantic comedy....touching flick....tugged at my heartstrings on and off...we were initially meant to go watch American Gangster(which i will tommorow)....but got sidetracked into watching this one....

Two reasons why i loved this film are;
1} starring Gerard Butler as one of the protagonists..reason enough aye...hes so HOT!!!
2}I have been feeling a bit low since the past couple of days...

Having no purpose ...or direction ....or plan whatever the hell one may refer to it as...is damn annoying...It leaves me in a cranky mood whenever i lose clarity of vision...or am unsure about things...so a romantic comedy was the perfect recipe to draw myself out of that state of mind....for a fair period of time at least....

I ended up being so "touched" by the film that i had a hard time trying to hide my sniffles as an involuntary response to nething remotely emotional....hehe....i can be such a wuss ....lol....i was bugging my friend about how much i love the irish accent...(nothing beats my love for french (the language) or anything remotely associated with France for a matter of fact).....especially from a male...i have a fetish for people who can speak well...can express themselves really welll....have had million instances where i had fallen head over heals in "crush"...with a man ..just coz he was well spoken....irrespective of looks....but mostly got nasty shocks when they turned out to be really.....not what i would imagine prince charming to be...hehe....

I also watched atonement over the weekend....another book i loved...movie was equally good...specially the cinematography....got me shedding bucketfull of tears...neway..just realised lunch times over...gotta get going...

If OnLy!!!!

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit” -Napoleon Hill

i have uploaded a couple of really messed up barely watchable video footage of the NYE fireworks...and a still snap..

heres a joke...i found somewhere...Jon goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.

On his way home, Jon puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo! He sees everyone in the street naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! "Cool!"

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife, Judi, but can't find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and the postman, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked.

Jon then says: "Damn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're already broken!"

heres another one....

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well", he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's THE night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack". The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person". He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist".

ok enough of lame jokes...lol...heres something else ......which mimics my feelings completely..and i guess it does for a lot of other people out there tooo....
its called ....if only....

There are times in my life when I sit back, close my eyes, take a deep breath and say..."if only". Then I find myself locked in once more in the past....I can't seem to move on. One minute I'm moving forward and then Im reminded of something, next thing I know I'm back in memory lane. Going through all the good times that I never thought would end...oh it feels so good to belong, to know that someone will always be behind you and you would feel like you can do anything cause you believe that when everything goes wrong, someone would catch you and prevent you from being broken....but when the person whom you believe to be more than your lover but a bestfriend too turned out to be a hypocrite then you would see that everything that surrounds you slowly melts away because they are all lies, then you would realize...if only you could turn back time....that's how I feel. If only I could turn back the hands of time then in a heartbeat I would say what I truly feel inside, I would no longer care if I would look stupid or whatever, bottomline I would be free. Its so difficult to lock up something in your heart because it just strengthens over time and when you cant finally contain it you would explode and your heart will be blown out, you wouldn't know where to find the scattered pieces. In just one wrong decision and here I am, sitting....remembering....having too many "if only's" and once again I feel as if I am in a middle of nowhere....totally lost. I know that no matter how many times I say "if only" I cant undo what has been done and that's the saddest part, we always have to live in the consequences of everything we say and do, it's the reality that life isn't like a computer that when you did a wrong command all you have to do is click the undo button or the escape key then your system is still safe....and with every painful memory, you can't just go delete it...you have to deal with it which makes me say "IF ONLY moving on is as easy and simple as saying it....IF ONLY".

things to do...resolve to do...

hey hey..this beggining of the year...feeling...making resolutions....always makes me laugh...its like a thing you have to do....and feel guilty about later...when couple of mnths down the line..u reflect on the to do list...and realise...SHIT!...havnt kept up to them....but everyone tends to make em neway....im no different....well...reflecting on the past year..i know im different..i feel different about a lot of things in general.....this 2nd jan as opposed to this time last year...in certain ways....im better offf..again in certain respects im worse offf...well it balances off kindof .....life never a BED of RoSeS!!!aye....neway...i have grown to accept a lot of things....i used to winge about earlier on....

thats how it is i guess...people learn to deal and live with things...after a while....u stop caring about the shit thats happenign around....the white noise....the chaos around....seems to be deafening at first ...nd theres this feeling of drowning.....but gradually it dims out and u get so used to it...taht u would actually miss it ...if it stopped to exist...problems....wow...im surprised at my own logic...but i donno...this is how it happened with me....

stopped expecting...no more highhhhhhh hopes....better this way...at least no massacres....that way...
well well....i totally got deviated from what i started with....(thats the effect of what i read on a certain humans blog) i was surprised at how he had managed to spell out in words exactly what i feellll.....i guesss....im not the only one...thrs more like me....hehe....

Neway getting back to resolutions....welll...i have decided to bludge lesss.....work efficiently....not at home..i meant study wrk....wrap up a lot of wrk before uni resumes...KUDOS!!!!...to me..if i manage that....socialise heaps more.....it actually tends to give mod lifts even though im mostly lost in my own world of imagination....read heaps of books a have quiet a list...and watch loads of movies....that list aint taht long...but quiet so....neway....nd definitely blogrolll....im so damn addicted to this now....its a great stress release i find....lol.....pretty stressed im mostly......neway...should get back to my readings.....have loads to do....but damn..my FEET still hurt reallly bad!!!Booo Hoooo....signing offf....wishing all a great year ahead....MMMMMMUUUUUAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH....!!!!!

a lazy moment...

yesterday was quiet aday...a came across so many wierdos...couple of gay people...all dressed in pink and perfect straightened hair and alll...some people dressed up in wierd outfits...out on the streets in the city...all shimmering and glimmering...looking more like people straight out of a circus cast than party animals....

spent most of today sleeping....managed to get over the crazy yesternite hangover...but man do my feet hurt...my stilletoes gave me horrible feet aches...contemplating cancelling work tomorrow...and getting some research work done..and giving my poor feet some more rest.....boy today was a HOT day...it gives that feeling...didnt feel like doin anything but lie around....and eating icecream or chilled drinks...nother year begins today...and i have made a lot of resolutions....to lead at least a couple of months of principle-lead-life...lol...lets see if i can stick to it...and also have resolved to waste less time surfing...randomly...did get abitof work done today...will get heaps done tommorow tooo....woohooo....

reflections on year 2007...

damn..a year flew past at lightning pace...dont mind my errors..im not in my best state of mind i guess...had wrk today...then couple others chores...and finally having nothing better to do...joined my roomie and her kindof unknown group of friends for the new years eve....saw the 9oçlock fireworks...awesome...even managed to get some video and still footage with my fone camera..lolz....and then headed to some club in the city...i donno what had gotten into me...i drank a bit too quick...and that lead to certain revelations...and converstaions taht shdnt have hapened at alll......too many long islands and others...tend to have their effect....thank god ..i dnt have work tomoorow...but this new year...is meant to be a new start...i have promised myself not to repeat a lot of stupid things i have done in the past year...and specially i have decided to get things..under controlll...and get my life back on the rite track...if thats at all possible..i dnt regret ....taht i went out and got kindof trashed...tonite...coz this was needed to reflect on a lot of issues i needed to deal with...glad for that....i guess...btw for those who r wondering ...i looked pretty hot tonite...;)...i knw im too humble...but not nemore....hehe....its 3:06 pm...i shld go to bed..the effect of the alcohol is slowly dyeing out...i can feel it....but whatevr i do ox the drink...i incidentally tried out a shot today called..WET PUSSY...lolz....quiet a name..but yes..toomuch alco..and i cant even remember the exact taste of the damn thing....so badly wanted to try drink some screwdriver..but no onelet me...DAMN....neway...a nice tiome spent all in all..nd i shld go to sleeeppp...catch up later....HAPPY NEW YEAR to evryone....pardon the gibberish..if any...

white noise....& the reflective silence....

i kept drifting into and out of this trance like slumber so often...it felt like i was heavily drugged...a light..almost feather like feeling..but a head as heavy as lead...can't begin to describe it properly...but that was what the beginning of this week was like....i got back home yesterday....and the insomnias siezed me....it has me tightly gripped...beginning to live like a zombie...not getting enough sleep..resemble a ghost more than i resemble a frail human....

inspite of the fact that i dnt have a well balanced diet...i donno where from pimples get their nourishment...they are happily...multiplying...(OH god...no no its not multiplying...i meant they are playing their own hide and seek game).....i dont nourish a farm...hehe....

i have been watching quiet a lot of films lately...a wild mix of hollywood and bollywood (kindoff)....among ones i saw..worth mentioning is LOLITA...well yes its the picturisation of the "ïnfamous" controversial russian literary Vladimir Nobokov....

Well anythign out of the ordinary...or if i may say...deviant from normality...undoubtedly ...gets my undivided attention....to put it in a better way...i get hooked on to uncoventional stufff...lol be it people..or things...or idea...hehe...

nd i tried reading the book a year or two back...but the style of writing though excellent..the descriptions described in the book are pretty detailed...and i wasnt quiet able to continue with the book...but wanted to hear the end...and hence decided to get the film from the closest dvd Place....well..the film excellently made...Jeremy irons...the guy who plays one of the protagonists (prof. Humbert) did a great job...and his nymphet...the 12 yr old ...dominique swain...a gorgeous girl...did justice to the character......i felt mixed emotions while watching the film...while it kindof disgusted me the whole...nymphet...middle aged man screwing relation...at the same time...i appreciated the bond they shared..their little "secret"....oh well..all in all.....a good film......

My my it seems i have no life...its a miserable feeling...im embarrased even admitting it...but its kindof true...but yeah...oh welll....im happy in my unhappiness...and depression...and all that crap...nothign i do can make things betetr...got the hang of trying...so im goin with flow...lets see where i end up...lol....

end of another year...

Boy was this year quick...it flew past in the blink of an eye...hard to bilieve its almost 2008 can feel myself growing old...no xcitement about birthdays...or new year..or nething else about life in general ....lol...feels funny...when i think about it...its just more responsibilities...more of crapped up life...nd nothing atall interesting to look forward to...all i can see when i close my eyes..are..a cracked mirror....a dark...dingy room....smoke outside....nd bad visibility....clouded vision...i plan to plan such a lot of things...but my rotten luck..i guess...that nothing i ever want or plan goes as planned...lifes just fucked up....learnt from past expirience...no more elaborate planns for me...going with the flow...is better..at least no more smashed hopes and broken hearts....hope though that the new year is a bit different....have many randoms things in mind....lets c if they happen...gotta go now...

AN emotional FOOOLLL.............

My my was today a busy day....i had wrk all day today...pretty much....first at my usual place nd then at the park.....i did the night shift....which wasnt too bad...my trainer...was an auusiiee gal ( tasiee to be more precise) and we talked heaps....coz it wasnt a crowded day....hardly neone was coming to out window...hehe....she turned out to be way younger than me...though her built...(shes a significant bit healthier than me) suggested otherwise....neway.....it was super windy when i left milsons point....looked like a night shot out of a bollywood film.....i pretended to be a lost scared gal (actress ...in case someones wondering)...hehe......
Yesterday....chritmas party was good....it was at a hotel .....ambience was great...and people had shed their office look and also...i have noticed that at such gatherings one actually gets to see the animal inside....behind the composed features.....plenty of food and drinks...i hardly ate the main course...coz 1) i had too many prawns (entree) and i cant bilieve i actually tried half a fried baby octopus...wasnt as disgusting ias i had anticipated it to be...it actually tasted “normal”..but i couldn’t get over the fact that it was an octopus.....nd checked it....
Neway....i wore all red....except for my JACKET which was black....DAMN...have to buy a red jacket...although black was quiet acontrast and looked good....nd i looked good (ok...i know you must have raised your eyebrows already....abt how “HUMBLE” i’m ...but i cant lie can i.....???)but it turned out a lot of people at work turned up in red...well no one was all RED though ....from head to toe....apart from ME..ME....ME.....;)i tried LONG ISLAND ICE TEA....BoY! was it good....the first sip hit me....i felt it....got kindof a bit “TIPSY”after that and some champagne....all the things ...feelings ...emotions ....i have been trying to block out came rushing back....and i almost did call “someone”up.....but didnt...eventually....thank GOD for that.....or it would have turned into a messy episode...may be....
These days i have started doing stuff i normally wouldnt do....i kindof try not to think toooooo..much before doing something...coz my habbit of constant analysis just spoils the fun ......wrenches it out of a lot of things....nd i actually quiet like it this way....
Oh well...slept in today...a bit ...and then work as usual....nd then luna park.....finised work at 10:00 got hoem at 11pm....and chit chatted with my roomies for a while...just finised watching WO H LAMHE....one of my favourite films...not coz i think the protagonists have done a really good job..but becoz.....i can relate to the plot...it seems so surreal the fact that some one can love someone else to the extent they have portrayed in that film.....would have to be bloody lucky....i would say....this films mesmerizes me every time i see it...no matter how many times i have already seen it..i always end up with moist eyes....towards the end....its just too touching....but im trying so hard to become a stone hearted soul......would be better offf......i reckon....all this emotional stufff...seems like a waste of time....and breathe....coz at the end of the day...LIFE is a bitch...and people around even more so....nd i tend never to get nething out of time invested into nourishing relations.........
GOD...its like quater to three almost...and im up late typing up this blog....what the helll.....i so dont have a LIFE.....DAMMIT!!!!!i am goin to visit a frnd tommorroww..she has heaps planned...which hopefully...if weather permits....we will be able to do all that she has plaaned out....then.....some more time devoted to nourishing relations....lol....its my birthday.....another damn....day....nother year closer towards DEATH......tahst how i have started looking at it.....DAMN...i sound majorly depressed even to myself.......CRAP.....i should be happy.....neway...im too tired....should go to sleeep i guesss.....signing off.....

this thing called...LIFE

hehe...im back yet nother evening....or should i say nite...was so convinsed that i would not waste time...well i did make an honest effort....but DAMN...SEEK was stuffing up....will make nother effort to do some work now....wanted to try out some noodles from the shop down the corner...MAN...did i get a shock...it says FRIED HOKKIEN NOODLES...nd the pic is quiet a decent one..a platter full of prawn...and somethign tht resembles chicken...but when i started eating and chewed half of this ""THING"" did i realise i just swallowed an octopus....eoooowww....neway...never experimenting with asian food ever again....something amusing happened yesterday...lol...i walked into the house ......rite into an almost "OX-making" ....took me a sec to realise and thn i bolted out of the door to get a good laugh...hehe....

tomorrow is our office chrissy party....well im wasnt too xcited abt the party untill today...when on the train back home...my friends and i started gossiping..to be precise BITCHING....muhahaha..abt certain other interesting people...nd the discussiion is bound to continue and get juicier tomorrow...looking forward to it...OH and most of all....IM the RED gal tomorrow....its an all red look i shall have.....i ox dressing up needless to say...nd im obsssessed with RED!!!!well its at coogee at some hotel....nd after lunch we can take full advantage of the promiximity of the BEACH....nd strangely enough ( its great though) we can dress up in beach compatible outfits if we wanna....cant wait for tommorrow....its gonna be heaps fun...and mite be travelling to the mountains to visit a frnd and look arnd over the weekend....nd then MONDAY is my DdAY...not that im too xcited abt it...this day has lost its charm....gone are the days when i used to wake up a happy angel on the day.....now too much is on in life....the excitement getting drained too often....neway....thats how life is i guesss...LIFE...or something called LIFE....

yet another meaningless moment....

its the end of another weekend...sunday nite...almost Monday (SHIT!!!) i should be in bed....but as usual insomnia.... insomniac---ihave become one....is keeping me up...nd my too much of brainwork...more of wastage....hehe....i should have gone out with a friend yesterday..but....didnt feel like socialising....doesnt sound like me to myself...but yes....stayed home today as welll...ended up doin some productive work though today.....talked to my folks....didnt have much to say..they kindof picked up the hesistation between lines....nd someone else tried their best to annoy me as much as possible.....a nutjob....neway....nother week of office and then....its holidays.....

Woke up to a phone call from WRK today...i completely messed up my roster...i was meant to be working today...but instead was in dreamland....and woke up to my supervisors phone call....lol....have to be more carefull...made a blunder on the first day of work too with the cash...thats a story for soem other day though...hehe...talked to a couple of friends after a long time todaay...managed to piss one of them off totally.....to a point where shes isnt talking to me nemore....damn dnt knw how to make her see the intended joke that she took seriously....

im so tired...after awhole two days of doing nothing..it amazes me...how i can still be tired....may be its the mental drainage or is it somethign else...donno....too tired to figure taht out even...its time to say nitez....

the uncanny....

i have always been bit too curious..unhealthy curiosity for the world beyond us..the other world...of the supernatural...well who isn't interested in them...evryone is rite?? i have always wanted an encounter of the sort (with a spirit or soul) my granma used to spank me whenever i brought this up.....but yeah...neway...back in 2001 while in high school had tried seance with my cuzns...well not seriously..ended up pouring molten wax on ourselves...but two years back we tried it seriously again..and this time..i felt somethign...so did one of my cuz....liek a chill going up the spine...were too scared to ever bring it up again...thats nite i cdnt go to sleep kept seeing wierd patterns and shapes in the dark...and the entire nite there were rattling noises near my window sill....man was i scared....

never went dwn tht lane ever after that ....ended up doin no productive work in the morning...my roomies niece came over..a 4 yr old...shes such a sweetheart....seeing kids makes me appreciate a lot of things in life...at times...wonder what it wld be like to have a kid hanging around me all the time...shld be fun...neway....my world pretty much revolved around her for the greater part of the morning...nd later had some good time conversing abt how shitty life can be...as usual.....but a lot of things and perceptions in general about life have changed for me...my cousin actually got kindof worried abt me when i was talking to her the other day....she thought i had issues i shld discuss with her...or i would apparently go mad...

Now im super sleepy...tried to watch a film..but mind wasnt really into it...then tried reading a book but no cdnt do tht either...just digging into past...was goin thruough some conversation i have had with some then significant people...lifes such az bitch...i tend to get penalised for all sort of things i havnt done..donno why...this restlessness is just

with or without a reason....

another day is getting over...a bright sunny day it was....quiet an ok day....i was having a conversation with one of the gals at work...she is having troble in her relationship...so is my roomie...evryone i know is kindof actually.....evryone thinks their problem is the worst ....to each his/her own....i guess...a lot of people..friends from back home and here....i sometimes think (well actually a lot) why do people like or even love other people...what is it in others that attracts people to them...i go for the inside person more than outside....not tht it doesnt matter but...yeah...neway....a high skool friend txtd me today...from india..i had lost her number...and kindof she had been pushed to the background...too..even though we spent good times together this time.....felt good she acyually took time to sms me and let me knw her details updated...ill try to keep touch....theres these few people....even if i channelise a lot of effort into keeping good terms with them..they cdnt be bothered....or rather..make sure they make it obvious....this after a lot of sweet memories...is just a shocker....one feels really hurt for a week or so..then it kindof sinks in..and then you learn to accept things the way they are and live on like it never happened....i guess....certain times...though....its just horrible...a fresh stab...when u have a normal conversation...and get the feeling its all like old times...but no...the misunderstanding is cleared up soon enough when u hear the back bitching/back stabbing from random people...shreds of conversation that is....i have stopped trying to work out these things once and for all.. they r just not worth the effort...just a lot of wasted emotions and breathe on a lost cause....im really hungry...should go eat something...

death of communication.....

havent been able to blog for a while...welll the neighbourhood network i used to access is dead...and so has resulted in communication being cut off between me and the rest of the world....im currently reading a novel by an afghan author...Khaled Hossein...THE KITE RUNNER....some book...very touching story....im quiet a wuss at times...i have been constantly crying while reading the book...its an involuntary reflex....i have...very emotional...set against the backdrop of war ripped afghanistan mostly....

Have to start working on my thesis though...promised myself that tonite would be it....when i stop playing around and do some serious work....Last weekend was spent in nourishing..or at least trying to nourish relations...dont know if its still mal nutritioned or recovering...hehe...but neway...the total effect was desirable...caught a bad cold on my way back home at night though...and have had a fever and sore throat...runny nose...the full package in short ever since...heaps betetr today....nd something else thats happened is im gonna be working at a theme park as of this week...

It should kindof help in driving away the constant y of my ambience (mostly)....fingers crossed....nd will earn me some extra bit ofcash as well...so all good in the end...i was alone at home....so before the depressive mood could set in ...i escaped into the cyber world and here im now sittign in a cafe blogging and talking to a high school friend of mine....my roommates arent gonna be back untill late tonight...CHRISTMAS PARTY time.....neway.......im gonan go back and do some serious reading cook up some edibles and also try to catch on some lacking sleep.....guess thast all there is to be said....gonna have to deal with absence of cyber world...for a while till i get a decent net connection....signing offf......

the art of living....relations and all that...

its has been a while since i moved places....to be precise...two whole weeks and a day....im liking it...luckyly my roomies are good/ok....and we try to be there for each other when someone needs help...

Lately a lot of people around me have been having issues with relationships...be they with their significant other or just acquaintainces...or even good friends and colleagues......

At times people tend to rely so much on people...they just know kindof not toowell even...but intuition makes us do thigns otherwise...this can also be called a result of thinking with the heart ratehr than with the BRAIN...hehe...

i have been effected by other peoples lives time and again...to a great extent....where i have puto=in more effort into making the other person feel comfy and better...while my own crises were pushed back to the furthest corner...but....hardly ever have i got the same response from those very people....

Wasting emotions and feelings for "friends" has become a thing of the past....it seems...most people feel that way...in this modern rat race....too much work presure...personal issues to be handled and all th other things that need to be taken care of....peple are becoming mechanical...more liek a robot....no emotions..its liek you dont wannna invest time knowing someone or making someone feel wanted ...given a choice between doin the aforementioned and earning a few extra dollars....obvious choice here burns down to $....

a lot of times....i have seen people..my parents even complain..that i dnt spend enough time with them...this time when i went back to kolkata....this was somethign i heard too often....i even realised that so very often people arent the way they seem to be...even your closest family and friends seem to be kindof distant and liek strangers at times....even if i stayed home for a week mom and dad would be like thats not good enough...i shld not go out socialise with friends everyday...they failed to see that i wantted to catch up with other people too after staying away from home for nearly 4 years...but i know i cant really blame them....they want their legitimate share of time with me tooo...

I cooked proper food for the first time since i moved....and i was pretty impressed when it turned out pretty good..without supervision aye (although i did call up ma and asked her why the hell the potatoes were taking so lang toget boiled...twice hehe!!!)but it felt good.....cant afford the luxury of home cooked food all the time though once middecember is here....evrythign needs to be slotted into cooking time...washing time...etc etc....


I dont eevn know what i started off with when i started typing this blog..and where im ending now...just mixed expressions....i guesss...neway i sound way to confused....lunch is getting cold...nd im stomachs making noises again....HUNGRY....adios...

a new week begins with a not that great start....

its monday again...the worst time of the week....dragging myself out of bed after a late nite sleep (or should i say sleeplessness) is bad....i had made a promise to myself that i wouldnt stay uptoo late..which i kindof did....was up till around 12 only...but nature had other plans for me...my roomamte found yestarda of all days to have a full on lenghty fight/discussion about her marriage nd her family issues with her Boy friend ( actually friend i think....shes isnt capable of finding herself a guy...)...neway...nd boy was she loud....i was tryinto catch soem sleep ..but i kept hearign snatches of her conversation...about trying to kill herself....and how her parents would disown her...and a whole lot of other shit...felt liek screaming out loud...when a few coughs and Ahem...ahemms didnt work...

so my effort was wasted...but im gonna try it tonight...again....i ahve also decided to exercise and cook at last...eating out or eating frozen stuff is just making me sick....i could be convinsed im never gonan eat pies or chicken bites ever in my life again....

only for today though for lunch i was craving soem noodles from this great shop down the street...and im pigging out no wonder ...but this is the last tiem in a long time...do have a lot of other stuff to do rite now..lunch times running out...adios...