QuEeN oF tHe WoRlD!!!

moving on...

2008-07-22T22:29:00.002+10:00

heres the link to my new blog...im moving...u heard me ....;)

http://bewitchedlass.blogspot.com/

unsaid words...

2008-07-21T12:48:00.002+10:00

its so true...that sometimes silence speaks more than words do....I never used to understand how...but i have begun to realise all these different things now... equally true is this...sometimes unsaid things can seem harsher than the harshest words spat out by someone....

after all people learn from experiences...such is what life...that over the years when one grows old...one picks up thorns and petals along the way and thus get moulded...our life is always teaching or telling us things...but we do not begin to hear it till we have almost lived a third of our life...an average human being lives upto the age of mid 70...so I would say we are almost in our early 20's before we start realising things...

One can't be blamed for this though...I mean who would bother to think about serious things like future career and what life holds for us..and the likes of where would he/she end up working or marrying when there are more important things like making fun of the loosers around...and mimicing teachers and buking class..and whispering in groups about one's latest crush...this is what took up most of our time in high school...

indian parents as everyone knows...nevertheless try and talk sense into kids...so did my parents....."don't waste time"..."have you done your homework?".."look at how neat and pretty your friend's handwriting is! why are you so messy?" and the likes of it...and trust me it used to drive me nuts..all this comaprison..and being told I am not doing well enough...I never turned out to be the nerdy type who would make sure everythign is done and worked out in time...I have been a procrastinator all my life...which is something I still try to fight...I have always crammed a week before exams..and touchwood...haven't done bad either...

anyway...I happened to talk to M a while back and our conversation was rather impersonal conversation....while it go time thinking...I am glad it was the way it was....this particular person used to be one of my best buds at a point of time....so close were we...it was like...if one was seen without the other people would ask Y...and we could read each others minds...but like always....it was short lived....turned out it was an act....it was so ackward....when i went home last year...meeting up and pretending like things were as perfect as always...when I could and im sure M could too feel what was going on at the back of my mind...I wasn't surprised to notice a while back...snaps of M and a nother person...posing....and this was the very person who was a subject of hatred even half a year back...who cares...I told myself....whats done is done..and can't do nething about it...

there was this other person R who again I used to be inseperable with sometime in high school....and now we don't talk anymore...strange aye....how you can be sooo close to a person at some time and the next moment he/she could be the last person on earth you would want to bump into....when I picture our times together...it does bring a faint smile on my face...just remembering all the mischeives we had been upto...used to be teacher's pet inspite of all...we didn't get in touch when I was in india last year...

I had spent a significant bit of time trying to be someone I wasn't deep down....constantly striving to be somebody you are not can be hard....I stopped once i realised that it doesn't really make a difference....people will come to you if they like you for who you are...irrespective of whether you are/ are not the best friend they can have...don't feel the need to please people and keep then happy so they don't leave you alone...that woudn't really count for true liking would it...coz those who like you would take you for who you are...good or bad...

anyway...rather have a few really good friends you can depend on than a million of which most would disaapear at the slightest touch of complication...Im happy now....Masks don't stay for too long....Face is the reflection of the characteristics a being-its so true!

random doodling....

2008-07-18T20:21:00.003+10:00

I'm back yet again...a friday night....the good weekend mood kicking in...:)my day was quite good...went to work in the morning...and got bored there as usual...at least my language skills improving....one good thing!! Was dying of hunger because i had skipped breakfast not knowingly ...but I somehow just forgot to eat before I left home....!!!had a filing tandoori chicken sandwich...with loads of lettuce and capsicum and tomatoes and mushrooms in it....but paid $7.50 for it...so not worth 7.50!!!

its as cold as ever still in my world its like in the narnia series..100 years of winter kindof concept...its so friggin cold....I'm unable to handle it:(....I'm lazy to begin with and weather is doing nothing to help...rather making things worse....anyway...during one of my breaks was goin through this article in in todays SMH...
Coping with cold is child's play for some, agony for others....
WHY does winter affect people differently? Why can some people happily survive in shorts while others freeze in coats?..thats how it starts offf.....people who are obese or FAT and muscle-y people have a natural INSULATION..but what about peoplelike us :(...apparently our brain can be tricked into thinking the body is overheating if we eat spicy/hot food which triggers some temperature receptor inpulses...and the brain then thinks its actually not that cold...but i don't even eat that much hot food...:(

anyway...I have had a growing interest in puzzles...sudoku and word jumbles and crosswords since a while...not to forget my all time addiction to the dictionary game...today was one of "being impulsive" days....felt an intense desire to solve some of that...and so I left work at 5pm...went straight to a book store and bought myself sudoku book, a new york times crossword collection flipbook...and the highlight of my buy is a masterpiece by my "favi-avourite" author...crime and punishment by fyodor dostoevsky....what a great buy it is only $12...yooohoooo!!!!

while at the book store I also happened to come across the actual book...The 48 Laws of Power is a 1998 book by Robert Greene....i made a reference to one of the laws in a previous post...anyway....another of my current interests these days is playing chess...and this game of marbles..that i used to play as a kid...I had gone to the mountain last december...and happened to find it at an woodart store...the board is made of nice laquered dark wood and the set of marbles i have is green with swirling cloudy patterns inside them....

I tend to digress from what i say too often...neway...I love losing myself in book stores...its like im teleported to another world where its only me and the millions of books neatly arranged on shelves around me...and while walking around leafing through pages of random books...up and down a million aisles...happen to glide past other silent book lovers.....I always have wished...If I am rich someday..I want to have a big room in my dwelling, just as a library...the four walls would be made of expensive lacquered dark wood shelves...and will be home to all the books that I buy...and whenever I am tired and need to take some rest...I'll just slip into that room...and lose myselt in this fantasy world....and forget all my worries for a while...and be blissfully happy...

each time i enter a book store I get this overwhelming urge to buy all the books i lay my eyes on...books are so expensive these days..ever more so here than back home....its like I can never stop comparing prices and my old habbit of converting into home currency and telling myself what a RIppoFF!!!boy oH! boy!!!

I spent quiet a bit of time reading reviews about the dark knight and so far they have added to my excitement...I'm going to watch it tomorrow night...It seems like this flick will be the moivie of this year...ledgers best ever performance some say...now I have stuff to do...so we part here....ta da...

rise and shine....;)

2008-07-17T12:37:00.003+10:00

this is a random middle of the week post....its a thursday afternoon..may i specify a sunny bright yet chilly thursday afternoon..the 17th of july....the dark knight releases today....the much awaited flick.....ledgers last film....

I have been trying to convinse people to come watch the film with me....been quiet atask....i can't believe hardly anyone wants to go...:(...anyway did manage to find few folks who agreed...so the day to watch it is this saturday...im excited...neway had i not found anyone i would probably have gone and seen it by myself....have done this earlier ....another guy just confirmed he'll come...:)

anyway.....i have been a bit tight in budget and finances..so i have been keeping a watch on what i was buying...and im also trying to eat in rather than eat out...im kindof sick of eating restaurant or junk food....and moreover i absolutely love cooking....im gonna go cook in a while...but somehow my woolworths bills always seem to be never less than $25....food items are expensive...with world food and oil inflation on the rise...and rents increasing tooo....it seems like there is no way one could ever have enough savings....bloody taxes are a killer tooo...

lodged my tax return online and i know im gonna get back a small fraction of what got deducted....its bloody hard to survive without a fulltime job:(....sick of being poor....i like it when i dont have to calculate and recalculate before spending money on a gorgeous dress....

Infect this world....

2008-07-12T01:34:00.004+10:00

yet another late nite post...happened to have a conversation with a friend...one of those touchy ones...abt people using people...and just bothering to keep touch when in need...actually more for personal selfish reasons...
and the likes of it...

neway that struck a familiar chord....one of those been there....seen it moments....just happened to remember this forward mail a friend had sent me...its called "the 48 laws of power"...one of them says

Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies

Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

I have learnt it the hard way tooo....It hurts as hell to start with when u feel betrayed....and the very person u thought was ur closest person...does a 180 degree and comes out of the camouflage that you thought was reality....first comes intense anger...and then with realisation comes pain...a lot of pain....and then with time comes acceptance and you learn to move on...thts what people around always keep saying neway....just move on....life will pick up pace soon....

and if one happens to be like me...bit too emotional...it takes more time to get over people...and if its matters of the heart...somewhere at the back of the mind always i think....neway....

like i was saying...most people you meet are just the pretentious type who would just love to share the limelight with you...and try to slip away unnoticed at the first signs of un happiness...weell when i say that i don't mean...stick thru a horrible crisis come what may and sulk and mourn even if u can't do anythign to change things...but...just letting one know that if needed you can be a shoulder to cry on makes a lot of difference....trust me!!!.....those few words are so powerful....as to make a difference to the persons state of mind...

at least you tried to make them smile...and boy the joy u'll feel if u can make a difference in someones life...is not comparable to anything...well not quiet but its a good feeling...

and to keep away from misery....best thing to do is to connect less with people...very very hard to achieve for some...but if attained...u can be happy...

after all every day we live we try to wake up with a smile on our face...and make sure you don't forget to pass it on to as many people as possible...a smile can be one of the most contagious things on the face of this planet...so infect as many people as u can...thats what I have in mind ....smiling doesn't hurt or cost you anything...on the other hand it might make someone else...day a little better if not a lot...so be a happy puppy and infect this world with your smile....

sleepless in.....

2008-07-06T01:41:00.004+10:00

yet another time...im wide awake in the wee hours of a sunday morning...nearly 2am...not too tired and hence not sleepy..i think...neway...the day was good...actually won't be doing justice if i said good...it was great....

i have gotten back into reading dostoevsky again....im in love with him....his descriptions are somewhat wierd and have something about em....i also have added another city to my travel list...st. petersberg....aka leningrad in the past...i'm currently reading notes from the underground...wierdest thing i have read till date....its a must read if not for anything else, the abrupt monologues that go on for ever....

caught up with my uni friends and it was a nice quiet evening...watched the new will smith flick....cld have ben better...he looked hot as always...;) Im eagerly waiting for the dark knight...i have a subtle crush on someone again...but not worth nething...so have to forget about it...have to stop procrastinating and get back onto the research thingie as of tomorrow.... been working quiet a bit lately...and its almost like i'm getting paid to learn my mother tongue and getting to know it better...not bad...made me realise how rich and beautiful the language is...i'm also going through one of my phases currently...these days it is...feel proud about my roots moments...mostly..actually all the time...kindof becoming absessed to an extent abt stuff in general...

the trip next week up north isn't happening....im eagerly awaiting the time when i can fly home....and relax and unwind...and do all that i have in mind...oh god hope it all happens as i have pictured it..

i had a bizarre dream last morning...it had my circle of friends mixed up...people from back home for some odd reason knew my friends out here...and the things i saw were pretty wierd tooo...made no sense whatsoever...was a bit surprised to realise i dreamt about a certain things related to a certain person...who i didn't think wld mean much to me....i mean....not to the extent those images exhibited....neway....something more to muse about aye...

there have been certain things that were a constant burden on my mind...since the time i moved base....important things went wrong....but I'm so so so happy things are working out and the gaps closing again....and i hope this time its not a make bilief thing...its for real and hopefully here to stay and become better if not stay the same......;)

i just had a pack of mei goreng..which im in love with...its the tastiest noodle on earth....i could probably live on mei goreng for a week and not complain...and now planning to watch a movie...so ill get back to that...

rewinding...

2008-07-02T00:53:00.002+10:00

boy has it been a busy few weeks...finished exams a week back and have been busy since...juggling work..studies...socialising and all that jazz...neway i'm loving every moment of it...have been watching lottt of flicks....

apart from that have to get back to research from tomorrow...im running short on money too...not a good time...but im managing somehow....
today was like neother day...i have been getting sleepless nights again...insomnias starting to happen again...and no particular reason there to blame it on....neway...been promising myself i would leave home at 7:30 every morning...but failed to get up before 8:45am every single day since exams....and hence after a lot of rushing...and shoving food down my throat i manage to reach work at 10:11am precisely every single day...

tend to fall asleeep on the train...im just really burnt out and tired all the time for no apparent reason...and yet insomnia inspite of the tiredness...evryone keeps telling me i dont get tired enough..or i wld drift off to dreamland the second i hit my pillow...looks like im gonna have to do something about this....

have been playing cat and mouse games to dodge certain people these days...did an excellent job in avoiding bumping into the last person i went out with...just saved myself some bloody ackward moments-of-no-escape...boy!!neway....a lot of people said i looked really pretty today...thts the highlight of my day...lame kindof...but im a narcissist to an extent...so ill end it there...for now....

random....**$@.....shreds...

2008-06-22T12:56:00.002+10:00

I finish my exams tomorrow....been waiting for this impatiently...being pretty much cut off from the rest of the world....isn't all that pleasant...gets on my nerves at times....and to release tension I lose myself in the virtual world of movies...and my fantasies....

I tend to get very very uncomfortable...when I am by myself after sun set...Cannot begin to imagine this horrible feeling of sheer loneliness that begins to creep in....Although I know nothing could go wrong...I mean sucurity is good here...but something doesn't feel alright if its just me ....and it freaks me out....

Im reallly really excited about goin home in some months time...Plan to be super stingy to save up money for my plans....but my fiends are starting to complain already when I mention this...not much going out all that often....Over the past few nights I have been dreaming about my childhood nest...the garden....I used to run off to and hide from my mum..when she was trying to get me to do a sheet of maths problems...or trying to shove boring chicken stew down my oesophagus....I still hate chiken stew...

Every time mom tried to feed me something nutritious I would consider her my biggest enemy and plot ways to escape from her clutches...I used to be one Naughty kid....mommy would get complains every now and again from school...about me beating up a guy..or bullying someone...at lunchtime....and one line that never failed to appear on my report card was "she is very talkative in class"....that was something all teachers would consistently winge about....but over the years no one has been able to do anything to change it....

Those good old days...makes my eyes moist when I remember them...gone never to return...I had been wanting to go back to the house I spent the initial 12 years of my childhood in....for a long time...but have been caught up with a lot of things...and have thus been procrastinating....but I am goin to take a walk down memory lane this time when I go home.....my dreams have lately been a montage of the itsy bitsy slices of those 12 years...

It feels wierd knowing when I go home this time..not all the familiar faces I am used to seeing would be around...I hate being all grown up....and seeing that sense of security and bonding I felt would last for ever between me and my friends...gradually disappear....not that its always the case that things aren't working out for us ...but more that life takes us in different directions...and I would never have thought five years back that I would be far far away from home on one bright winter afternoon typing up this blog...and being all nostalgic...

I still remember the times when I used to play dressups with my cousins....lock ourselves in a room and pull out all the pretty sarees and dresses and try them on...and pose in front of the mirror....it was so much fun...I happened to mention this to my roommate the other day...and told her about how no one wants to play dressups with me anymore coz they thnk I'm being childish...and she came up to me last nite and said she would play with me after i finish my exams...YOOHOOO....

the things people give up to be grown up...makes me sad...

life or the so called life

2008-06-20T20:23:00.002+10:00

sometimes it makes me wonder...what is the purpose of living the life im living...I mean living life like a nobody....is not something appealing...yeah sure when you are born you parents, other family members and neighbours perhaps rejoice at the miracle of birth yet again...a new life being among them... but that sure is short lived...over the span of "life" on the face of this earth...we also tend to make friends (some very close ones one could treasure for life) and some not that close... & acquaintances of our own....and then if you travell across the barrier of this life and into the next one..the one called afterlife....again sure a few people would miss you...but that is all...

I cannot remember when I lost my desire to strive for a few things I thought were really important to me....and I can't remember when a few people I thought would be there with me for life...left my side even before I had begun to understand the complexities of life...and it hurt a lot...suddenly finding myself alone..without the familiar faces around....but I guess this is life...and you learn to live it as it comes and move on....Moving on is probably one of the most commonly used phrases...one can come across....evryone is advising evryone to move on with life all the time...its easier said than done...

especially if you tend to be one who cries bucketfulls when watching melodramatic films and get dewy eyed at the merest mention of loved ones....Its kindof embarassing I tell you...

I am very happy today due to a variety of diferent reasons...but somewhere at the back of my mind...I feel a tad melancholy...I dreamt about things I thought I had gotten totally over and thought that I had managed to get out of my system...it seemed pretty surreal too...but was a stupid dream after all....but not everyone gets the thing they wish for....wishful thinking is fun but is limited to being a figment of our imagination.....mostly....

Oh I wish I could get so many different things....and be with some people....I would like to be with....wishful thinking...but i so so wish...for things to change...

strangeness....

2008-06-11T22:56:00.003+10:00

Have my exams goin on now...one down two more to go...they are pretty spread out...and hence finish late..screwed up and made a stupid mistake in the first one...suddenly coudn't remember the log likelihood function of a duration model that follows exponential distribution..:( but im pleased with my johansens cointegration and vector error correction model answers...poured my heart out....

..and I got a fantastic Job offer tooo....I'm so soooooo happy...start early next year....the pays pretty good too...so its all good...

I'm also looking for ways to subtly breaking off with someone....there seems to be no spark and I'm incredibly bored tooo....man this one is gonna be pretty hard...missed a frnch film last weekend:(....but plan to go see the counterfeiters sometime soon. heard its really good..and besides its an interesting plot based on real facts...

I also learned that i get to spend more time in india now than i had thought i would be able to earlier...P is coming back this saturday....will be lonely no more!!!

trying to deal with Taylor's rule rite now...so I'll get back to that....

review...

2008-06-01T23:22:00.002+10:00

watched yet another french film...anthony zimmer....backdrop is france obviously....watching it ...i found myself lost in another world...some effect...good flick...recent too...a 2005 release...to me it seems....thrs something magical abt the country itself...when ever i tell my friends about the french connection (oh well my obssession with france!!) everyone tells me french people are rather rude and biggest snobs among EU...and its just in films that france is portrayed as i see it...which im in love with...and reality is different from the virtual world....i know its true...but the child inside me tells me never to let go my imaginations...and live just in reality....
If I were given a choise to live anywhere on tis globe it would definitely be paris....i can't remember what triggered my obssession with france...but its been there for a decent while...and seems to be growing intense with passage of time....I have always been a dreamer....My dreams are rather bizarre too..i must say...i wake up most mornings thinking...wow that was cool...i wish it were for real...at one point of time used to be sci-fi dreams...not had much of those in recent past...neway...getiing back to what i was saying...One of my resolutions this year was to at least start attending classes to learn French...hoping itll happen....
have so much to do this year....hope they all...or at least most of them happen...times flying tooo....so hopefully NOvember will be knocking on my door sooon...enough... ;)

SlIcE it up...

2008-05-31T00:37:00.003+10:00

xams start in less than a fortnights time...and i still have an assignment to submit...im mostly at home these days..no more classes for this semester...its just brushing up and studying...with P gone and S never at home...tend to get lonely a lot...so when ever im not studying i either listen to music...or think abt things(my usual habbit of thinking too much) or i have been watching lot of friends and movies whenever im taking a break...

just watched this french (there goes my obssession!!)film called monique...genre says romantic comedy....wierd...about this couple who break up..the wife was cheating on the husband...and she moves out of home with "the other 1" and meanwhile the guy (alex) orders this silicon life size doll with the perfect figure every guy would kill for....and being all by himself he renovates a massive part of the house and makes it all pink...drapes..to sheets...to toilet seat cover to car...and so obssessed is he...he goes and buys lingerie (really nice expensive ones two....i loved most of them!) for the doll...so hes spending days "playing"with Monique..untill his friends comes by and finds out and then word reaches his other acquaintances and wife...and she gets mad at him..jealous of a moulded doll with huge tits...!!! was a funny flick....ends well...

that was my break...its almost 1am...and im as fresh as an owl...shld hopefully be able to stay up the nite...and work on some stuff....planning on finishing a lot of stuff this weekend....I also watched Ironman last tuesday...reminded me how HOT Robert downey Jr. is....i have a thing for older men...evryone thinks its wierd...but neway....its a must watch...a fab flick....would love to watch it again....
and i saw nine months which made me realise Hugh grants a spunk too...theres so many good looking fellas...around....i wish i cld have my pick....oh well not tht im complaining with my current options...:) im happy....so that is a teeny tiny slice of my life...as of now......

a bit of this and a tad of that...

2008-05-26T22:25:00.002+10:00

havnt blogged in eons....well just not much to write or being too preoccupied or lazy...mostly....semesters about to end....and it seems i have stopped complaining about life...started to accept it the way it is...taking things as it comes...and with practise fighting emotions is getting a lot easier tooo....well not doing a great job..but its woking somehow...

don't know where time slips through....before i knew half the year is gone almost...I wish time went faster...eagerly waiting for year end....the someone....after all seems to be interested in me ...a lot...well knowing common friends finally pays off...sweet...neway...ihave een trying to be selfish, mean, a pain in the ass for a while..and glad to say ihave suceeded in what i endeavoured to be...its a wierd pleasure that i derive being a biatch with biatches....

havent been in touch with friends for a long long time....everyones so damn busy with their own thing....hardly get time to exchange hi-s and hello-s...kinda sad....coz nothing feels as good as a healthy, hearty conversation...aka "bangalir adda" with old buddies....one of the many stress busters....miss my roomie...thr nutcase is in india these days....have the bloody exams in some time....can't wait for it to finish asap....and then move on and actually work on my research...which is far more interesting that few dumb units i have to do....

uuummmmm aaaaaaahhhhh.....crap...its late...off for now.....

Crazy.....

2008-05-02T15:32:00.002+10:00

times been flying...the past few weeks have been so busy....when i look back and thnk of it.....neway...things have been going goood....a lot of things have been happening....with semester nearing the end assignments and presentations and research needs to be done....ive been so busy...its late nite when i realise the day went by...nd tht too so quick....

havnt got time for nething these days...my wardrobes increasing in size by the day....being a shopaholic...i try and avoid shops altogether....coz i succumb to temptations too easily....blew up more than half a grand the other day...neway....its finally stopped raining....but its really cold...oh its winter afterall...eagerly awaiting for november to be here.....have a lot of things planned up.....oh! i can hardly wait....its gonna be so much fun...INDIA again....yippeee!!!

over the past couple of days had been getiing a wierd back of mind feeling something (i thnk good) is about to happen....ive tried making sense....of all these flashin images in my head...and the feeling i wake up with each morning....but i donno..makes no sense to me..a couple identities....recurring dreams...and my one off sleep babbling....i hope it all means something....

thngs are back to normal....kindofff...with few people who had been acting all wierd....talking out things definitely helps....but few others are going crazy now...god this viscious circle...hope my acquaintances/friends get back their sanity soon....

lost in .............

2008-04-22T01:49:00.003+10:00

its reallly late night...nearly 2am now.....im not sleepy.....just a million thngs going through my mind.....getting that same restless feeling.....this is the mid sem break week.....so dont have classes this week...last weekend was fun....friday was a tad bit disaappointing...coz i had to completely ignore someone.....but saturday was great ;)......i hope thrs more of them.... neway.....i have a lot on mind as usual....its been kindof wierd with a friend lately....i hope thngs change for us.....its been raining a lot these days....making things worse is the horrible cold weather:(.....oh welll.....im eager about nov...something to look forward to....I was talking to P today abt crazy stufff.....i dnt even have nething to say....ill leave it here.....

poila boisakh...

2008-04-14T10:35:00.002+10:00

yipeee...today is the first day of the new year(well bong new year)....had i been in india..would have meant lots of new clothes...and people buzzing around the house...but sob sob...im sitting alone working on something:(....subho noboborsho to all in the blog world... ;)i have made few resolutions ( bad ones) nd im gonna try stick to em...

....winter sets in..

2008-04-13T19:57:00.003+10:00

its winter again...that time of year that i absolutely detest...im pretty lazy as it is...and this rainy winter...makes me wanna curl up in my warm blanket tucked in with my Big Green cushion like a millipede...as a kid i used to be kindof fascinated by milipedes...how they curl up at the slightest touch of the stick i used to try and poke em with... ;) all else i mean life is goin on somehow....studies goin ok....im concerned about a million things rite at this moment...and i wish i could be someplace else rite at this moment....spent time with someone...i didnt use to like taht much...not tht i do now..but was happy to see that persons making an effort to change for the better....got to know certain things about someone i kindof liked for a while...nd was unhappy to learn that something that was meant to be between us has reached someone it should'nt have...!! I can't understand what the issue is with keeping certain things to oneself....i mean....can't people respect a request..!?! this is the N-th time i have been through something like this....i ask someone something...or tell someone something...nd tell them explicitly not to go discuss it...nd next thing i knw..(the world being a small place) i hear it from someone else ...bloody annoying....

i have my presentation this week...nd then goin out next friday....got dragged into it....tryin to set someone up...but its gone all wrong now..nd im stuck with this someone...DAMN...!!been dreaming abt india for a while now..tried booking tickets today...they are so bloody expensive:(...have to be an abslute miser to be able to save up enough for my plans enroute too....to make things worse....things havent been goin rite with few other "friends"...i have tried setting things right...without success..i mean...u can try only so much...i have given up...after quiet a few trials at setting things rite.... way too much goin on in liferite now...

but theres isnt much to ;look forward too..which is pretty sad....but im dealing with it somehow...it makes me cranky though...
i think i have complained enough...gotta work on something now....

whats goin on??!!

2008-04-06T20:43:00.002+10:00

i dont understand what the hell is on with people around me....some behave like asses for no reason whatsoever.....some want too much attention....nd when not given enough of it....they go psycho...nd start ignoring you....i have loads to work on at the moment....with presentations and essays lined up one after the other....not that im complaining....this keeps me busy nd mind of other not so important affairs....been feeling a little sick lately...some of it is the bloody weather and some of it these other things that are causing disturbances in my system...

so many of my so called acquaintances have been trying to hook me up with people....someone i know brings up a new guy everytime i meet her....sick of people asking me the same damn questions all the time...not like marriage is the end of all worries....in life...if it were so i wld be so willing to go ahead...but neway....rite now im a bit brain dead...after staring at my laptop for some 5 odd hours....did manage to get a significant bit of work done....

I tagged along with P to her nieces birthday party yesterday...and was overjoyed to see so many adorable little kids...the ages varied from 2 months to 10 years...i was playing with two 8 and 9 month old kids...respectively....one of the moms was all too ready nd glad for me to take the kid away from her....poor thing was so tired from changing diapers and nursing it all the time....havnt interacted with kids that young in a while...they make me so happy...love em...little bundles of JOY....

seems like my dinners done...nd my tummies making signals to fill it up...signing off...

mad eye moody!!

2008-03-30T17:41:00.003+11:00

im back.....its been a crazy few weeks....so much is goin on...that even before i realised the month is gone....times flying.....its been very hectic.....i havent been able to blog or read blogs for a long time....havent had the opportunity to organise my thoughts to sit down and write em out....neway...not tht i have much to write now...actually i do..i mean i can...just that its a wierd feeling coudn't be bothered making sense of whats going on in my head and writing it out.....the thoughts flow..but i keep em to myself...im actually pretty cranky now...actually the past few days i have been so....theres more than one reasons behind it..of which few are within my control...few arent...but i have done nothing to regulate the ones in my control....damn....i donno what am i even writing....oh i miss someone so bad....i wish i could talk to tht someone who i misss... sigh sigh...if only i could do and get what i wanted...

TiMe OuT...

2008-03-08T21:27:00.009+11:00

been really busy for quiet a while....last weekend especially....witnessed Indian Cricket team leave SCG with wide grins on their faces...that was a memorable day....i had so much fun....initially my seat was in a bay where there were mostly ozzies on al sides...so i moved to the bay that seated cheering screaming people clad in the light blue jersey....nd there was so much energy in the crowd....

ir was a bright sunny day...few clouds floating around in the depths of the blue firmament...nd i got nicely roasted tanned in the sun...(damn!!)

the previous day was mardi gras...and i had gone to the city to get a sneek peek of what its all about...there were tons and tons of gay/lesbians parading hand in hand....there was a bit of flashing of bare breasts...and fat actually obese men walking around in g-strings ( looked so ridiculous)but yeah....in the pic below...its men btw...actually transvestites....in nun outfits...

a GuD LaUgH...

2008-02-28T22:09:00.007+11:00

the weathers turned nasty again...its been raining incessantly over the past few days...not incessantly but mostly raining...even had a hailstorm on tuesday...a violent one....yesterday was my first day at work...coz i have uni now...this was week one... :)and this is also my last week at work..quitting after tommorrow...glad that wnt have to put up with my boss perving and looking at the wrong things instead of making eye contact when we converse....

neway...i had to change my topic of research due to lack of personal data..phew..im prettty pissed because of this..but i made up my mind about a few things that i want to do...and im sticking to them...neway...my roomie P and I keep emailing each other about updates about each other and about people around us at work...all day long......its kindof fun...shes crazier than im..a nutcase...nd fun to be with.....i had to pick up my layby (red Trench COat...i look so HOT in it)...*blush* *blush*** beet root...hehe....but yeah...neway..and then she and I went to another store...and we were playing this game where we would have to talk only in hindi...not a single word of english allowed ....and i was impressed with my hindi vocabulary...better than hers...yipppeeeee!!!!but a few words where we were having hot debates were...didnt know what lingerie is called in hindi...P came up with chaddi baniyan..which i didnt agree to...and she reckons pustika...is notebook while i think pustika can be any book....guys...can you please help me out there...???

nd my psycho roomie (the other one) is gettign out of controll...im scared these days to be newhere near her...she has her screaming routines every alternate day past midnight..when P and I are both trying to catch some beauty sleep....one of these days i could murder her out of frustration....its damn frustrating when someone is so inconsiderate even after spellling it out for them..that look u might not have to wake up early and go to wrk or UNi...but we do..so since we share a place we shld look out for each other...Selfish BIATCH...

and nother interesting inference we have drawn from a certain big red Pimple on exctly the same location on both our cheeks is...that after we have had chole bature from a restaurant last week this pimple came into existense on exactly the same day and man it HURTS!!! and at exactly the same location on a different cheek though....i have to keep making different manouveres with my side fringe to hide my pimple...its pretty red...and im sure someone standing a mile away can see it clearly...DAMN...y me GOD!!!

nd to continue from where i was, people started giving us wierd looks....P has refused to go out in public with me much these days..coz yesterday ....i cracked up laughing...at the grocery store..when i saw this lanky dark LOOSER with his hair tied up in a pony tail...trying to act all smart....was quiet a site...hihi...i cdnt help but laugh on his face...neway...i promised not to repeat it again...before she agreed to talk to me...and then we got back home...and we played the ad and serial music guessing game...and i was surprised to see that i remembered all the popular ad songs by heart.....we hummed to the tunes of...
1)washing powder nirma...washing powder nirma...doodh si safedi...nirma se aaye...blah blah..( i know the rest..not in a mood to type it all up) hihi

2)vajradanti vajradanti vicco vajradanti...vicco powder vicco paste...ayurvedic jaributiyo se bana sampoorn swadesi...etc. etc..

3)jab ghar ki raunak barani ho...deewaro ko jab sajana ho...nerolac...NEROLAC...

4)vicco turmeric nahi cosmetic...vicco turmeric ayurvedic cream..keem muhaso ko jar se mitaye..twacha ki raksha kare..usme samaye...etc..

OH!!!i love indian ads..and its fun singing along with the songs..good old times...

Oh and at work today one of my colleagues...i tell you boys can be so so sadistic...we were talking about our childhood games...and this guy comes up with how he used to torture insects...e.g.;pull out the wings of flies after trapping them....watching them die coz of lack of oxygen by trapping them in between the glass sliding bits in a window....and how he used to catch spiders ( daddy long legs) and spray stuff on them..and them rip out its long limbs....that reminds me....i know someone else who used to catch bats...and toads and trap them...and when they died...he would have like proper funerals for them....and had like a little graveyard up the back of the house where their "tombstones" were marked with things..like red flags for bats....crazy as.....hihi...

after a long time..i feel happy today thinking that i am kindof following the rite track...i think i know...what i want and where im headed......im disappointed that i havnt had nemore chance encounters with my crush..after that one bumping into each other a fortnight ago....i think ill take to stalking him....if i dnt see him soon....muhaha..i know where he lives....hihi...dnt get ideas...im not a psycho stalker....just a girl-who-wants-to-bump-into-her-crush-again....lol

StArT

2008-02-26T23:07:00.002+11:00

uni started yesterday..fels wierd being back at the same old place but not many familiar faces around....only five oop sactually 6 people doin my course..so kindof small group....stuff we wer egoing through in week 1 are sort of repetition of stuf we ve done earlier..but been out of touch for a while...and it irritates the hell out of me..when i cant recollect this stufff....blooody annoying....neway i guess itl take a bit of tiem to get used to it...i was late for class today abt 7 mins....nd my lecturer gave me that u-cant-be-bloody-late look...btw...i knw him at a personal level...family friends...i hate it so so much...most of my units are being taught by people who are family friends....neway i guess i have to deal with it....really tired and sleepy now...sigh-ning offf....

LaUgHtEr D bEsT MeDiCiNe..

2008-02-20T22:28:00.004+11:00

im too bored at work these days....the anticipition of goin back to uni...and getting into student life is kindof overwhelming....i want it bad ( just coz it means getting a break fromthis trapped at work life from 8:30 to 5:30)....i=on the other hand this year is gona be demanding...but i m actually looking forward to it...i have a feeling im gonna like it..;)...neway i was super duper bored at work today...and this is what i ended up doing most of the day...

and this....is something for you to do..take a guess at what this could be...

LoNg WeEk...

2008-02-18T12:22:00.004+11:00

another week has started...yet another monday back at work...aaaawwww.....im a bit groggy..was in a trance like state when my alarm went off at 7...my scream alarm tone somehow got swapped for a soothing musical piece...donno how....i would rather hear the scream and wake up rather than this (this one kindof lulls me back to slumber agaian...)!!

Been trying to change it back..but cant seem to figure out how to do it...the extended tired, drained feeling has been with me for the past week...nd refuses to go away...its been a cRaZy week..mostly involved socialising...a bit of serious work...studies and stuff..got acquainted with a hand full of people...involved some number exchanges...some musings(wow nice person...and at times...what a freak) like one particular person quiet a lot...and now back at work..still nursing a hangover from the past week(ends)...not to forget the not so eventfull V-day...the free movie passes i had won...well went to watch it with cousins on saturday...and its an absolute must watch...made me fall in love with Johnny Depp all over again...with increased intensity...hes so HOt....also i watched 27 dresses....nd i managed to lose my glasses somehow..they fell out of my pocket and i didnt realise untill quiet late...i bought a satin pink singlet (dirt cheap) and was so excited looking at the price tag that i didnt bother tryign it on...later discovered it woudn't go past my shoulder blades...i have no idea why i bought something that is obviously meant for an anorexic stick thin person.....

the weekend that went by was pretty full on...met up with friends and cousins...and cousins friends...extended friends of friends of friends and cousins...(pretty confusing....how many different groups of people were involved)...had a quiet dinner nd then went clubbing...the ambience was good...once upstairs there was so much booze on the dance floor that i slipped twice...and found it hard to controll laughing out loud at how ridiculous my fall looked....hehe...(btw..i had no id and had to jump the fence somewhere)...it was good apart from chance encouters with few freaks ( @ times fobs!!) who attempted to hit on me...

but the highlight of the week was a chance encounter with my current crush( i think i like him..nd i think (oh well i hope) its mutual)....after wrk few days ago..he looked dashing...;)

crammed in heaps of junk over the past few days....feel extremely guilt now and have to go work out this week....i actually started my saturday breakfast with a more than generous serving of mei goreng ( its an indonesian fried noodles...im totally addicted to it).....someone at work mentioned mei goreng today and i lost no time to introduce the other people who hadnt tasted it yet...how great it tastes...mite even start a mei goreng lovers club...(sounds kindof lame...actually) neway.....and a friend(female) of mine is apprently in (love) with my roomie P...and P has been asking me since yesterday if my friend is a desperate lesbian...man..i know a lot of wierdos...not not just crazy people(coz they can be handled...) but actual freaks...psychotic almost...neway my sumptous lunch awaits me..gotta go now...

P.S: and i decided to get married either on a boat house or at a beach..if it happens ever...sounds pretty cool...

HmMmMmMm......me répondre s'il vous plaît?!

2008-02-15T12:22:00.004+11:00

these are few things that make u go...uh...why is it?..got this one from the WWW...plagiarised it...;)

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. . but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!”

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being woul d eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver’s license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

If Wyle E. Coyo te had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Heres something else i found...have a good laugh...

1. Notice In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
2. Welcome to Curl Up 'N Dye Hair Salon!
3. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
4. "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.
5. "We are sorry, but these toilets are out of action. Please use???????floor." -- A sign on a shopping center's restroom door, indicating that the restroom was closed. The sign was intended to give directions to the nearest open restroom, but the staff had forgotten to fill in the blank.
6. Notice On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
7. "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller
8. At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
9. At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
10. "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757
11. On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
12. Notice In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
13. Notice At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
14. Notice In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
15. Notice In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
16. Notice In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
17. On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
18. Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
19. Notice In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
20. Sign In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid

les valentin-dAy!!!

2008-02-14T14:41:00.002+11:00

Its valentines day…a day for all loved ones to let each other know how much they r missed, loved and cared….nice thought….does indeed feel good when someone makes a sweet gesture to let you know you matter to them…it’s a bright sunny day out here….which was a moodlift for me…the past few days have been gloomy and rainy….

I came to work (first day of work this week) !!!after a busy few days off….had been to ACT to watch the match…India lost..but I had fun nonetheless… there was a V-day giveaway…thingie.. at work today and the winner was meant to get two free passes to watch the flick Sweeney Todd at the cinemas…and guess who won…ME!!!what a horrible thing….to win a valentine giveaway…and not have a valentine…Boo Hoo…neway….i have plans for the day…im happy …been wanting to watch that film for a while….love Johnny Depp…hes so HHHHOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!

WaLk DoWn MeMoRy LaNe...

2008-02-04T12:12:00.000+11:00

when ever i surf through news items...i try to browse through the Telegraph...one of the leading dailies in kolkata...and the likes of it..just to keep myself updated about kolkata...something i have recently noticed is the controversy about the famous Kolkata Boi Mela...th elast time i went there it was still at maidan...i remember queueing up with P and checking out Hot guys while in the long queue....and also keeping a sly eye out for who we were getting checked out by...and finally when we entered...we were utterly confused about which end of the mela we should start from...getting lost in the world of books is amazing..we ended up buying loads of books...and managed to get lost twice (i think)....the book fair has been reloacted since the last time i was there...i wonder what the bloody politicians get out of unnecessary controversies.....
the weekend that just went by was a gloomy one..i mean..its meant to be summer...and here we are freezing cold at times....due to the sudden heavy downpours and bloody hot at other times.....never know what to expect...most of the days im either freezing at work due to lack of proper clothings( the weather woman said it would be HOT) and at other times....all hot and puffy because i ended up wearing full slevved clothes when it was boiling hot outside....

had meant to go to uni and get some work done..but nature was against that...it kept rainign on and offf throughout the two days....P & I watched disturbia on friday night and were pretty disturbed by it...so ended up sleeping in the same room...we were talking about how different a day like this would be in india.....a rainy day would mean its an unofficial holiday for all....i would generally laze around curled up in my warm doona...and ma would generally make tele-bhaja..patla daal...alu-bhaja...and the likes of it...

it turns out both of us were quite devils as kids...always driving our folks crazy with worry or embarrasing them in public...well..not that we have stopped doing that kindof stuff..but its toned down a bit...i guess living away from home change people in more than one way...but its fun to let that naughty kid inside take over every once in a while....

This weather also reminded me of a particular brishtir din…when we all sat and watched sat ray movies…legend of a man…have been asking around for films from his collection..very hard to find…I can find hindi…punjabi and a whole lot of south indian films but not Bengali….damn…

Yet another brishtir din…this was when I was in year 11…..when it rained cats and dogs…..for those who are familiar with the water logging and temporary deluge in kolkata it wdnt be hard to conjure the image of what it would be like wading through knee deep water on the streets….after school got over a couple of us decided to walk till JU from school….it was disgusting no doubt..but if this can be ignored it was a lotof fun..that walk…no doubt my granma made me strip at the entrance (almost) before she would let me enter the house with my dirty uniform on…....

options...

2008-02-02T02:07:00.000+11:00

lately i have been wondering a lot...have i really run out of options...and suck with things..i dont like..or do i have too many options...and am in utter confusion about which one i should choose from......i mean when i come to think of it...so many options present themselves before us....and wait to be picked....when u go to buy a simple bottle of shampoo...u have deals like buy 2 shampooes and conditioner for half price....even if u dnt wanan buy two big bottles of the same stuff..most people would buy it neway to "not let go a good offer".....when you walk into a shop to buy clothes...man..this is the most confusing part ever....they have carefully planned deals to pick your pocket clean....even i fu went all planned onnot buying more than one item...those deals will get you to reconsider and you would end up buying whatever the hell they have to offer...you walk into a fast food franchise and you are greeted by a snack deal...or whopper deal..or something similar...hard to choose which type of fat and junk would you prefer over the other...even in life i guess you do get a lot of options...just that they dont always turn out to be too good....somewhat like...would you rather be unhappy at work....or unhappy at home....would you rather pretend to like someone .....or risk being lonely.....horriblle options....but you have to take your pick.....would you rather be in a life you always pictured...and seemed so surreal....or would you rather be a looser who has no life...

today was my pick to be a complete glutton...i ate so much all day...super junk fattening food....day started off with an egg and bacon muffin..which is my absolute favourite...(i love meat)....then i gobbled down a bag of sweet chilli and sour dip sticks....yummmm...ummmmmm.....and then a mcChiken burger( havent had mackers in ages) and fries....and then to end the day (well sort off) a triple chocolate mud cate..which was awesome...the first bite made me feel like i was in heaven...ummmmmmmmmm......with strawberries....by the end of the day i felt so guilty about the junk i ate all day....i went out with P for a good 30 min run/walk/jogg and felt good about it...exercise has this wonderfull soothing effect...feels great....guess tahst all for now....but i feel happy i ate whatever i did....havent had the luxury of being this greedy in a while....damn..im hungry again...have to go forage for food....

Me MySeLf & Me...

2008-01-25T03:00:00.000+11:00

its kindof really really late...im not sleepy yet..so decided to waste some time blogging randomly...
im listing as many things about me as i can remember rite now...

1)Im a capricornian...typical one pretty much....
2)im a dreamer...big dreamer...someone very close to me once said...dream deep coz every dream precedes a goal
3)My favourite colour is ReD (currently im obsessed with red ....i really mean obsessed when i use the word...)but otherwise i like black heaps...
4)i love beaches...the water...sea kindof attracts me...in a wierd way...hard to explain...
5)i love mens perfume....well dnt get ideas...but i really like...
6)i imagine myself doin something totally different from what im stuck in rite now...
7)i failed in a unit purposely once just to prove some silly point....
8)im really lazy...i plan to do a lot..but lazyness is getting in the way....
9)im an only child...not spoilt though...
10)i have had glasses since year 11 but never really wore them at all....untill i got my contacts...
11)i have difficulty buying shoes for myself..i hav ekindof small-ish feet...mostly have to preorder....
12)i love being lost in my own world most of the time...imagining all sorts of things i wish would happpen in real life...
13)i like boiled broccholi....
14)i hate milk....but love cheese and ice scream..we all do...im a caffiene addict...
15)i have a fetish for shoes...and dresses...
16) i have phases when i have fixations for different things...been through hair ties..pens...jewelry...
17) i aim to own 365+ earrings sooon enough...already have close to a 100
18)i have spent a whole 15 hours some day watching tv nonstop...stopping only when my mom snatched the remote out of my hands...
19)i scream and chuck thigns around to release tension at times...when im really reallly really angry about something...(doesnt happen to often)
20)i cant whistle in tune....wish i cld..tht would be cool
21)i manage to get chapped lips...pretty often..i keep licking them all the time...
22)if i could do whatever i want..i wld be in the medical proffesion...
23) im obssessed with doctors...
24)i have certain wild fantasies about about certain things...dnt ask me what...
25)wish to get a tatoo and another piercing done some day...
26)have decided the names of my kids...if i ever have them...
27)i love photography...would like to pursue it out of interest some day...
28)im obssessed with the irish accent...sounds so cuteeeee....
29)my major obssession is with the language french...or as a matter of fact nethign to do with france....
30)if i could live newhere in the world apart from my native place..i would pick paris...no doubt...
31)i have always wished i had a sibling..an older bro....
32)i would love to learn to play the piano....
33)whenever i am sad or feel down...i feel like doin something extreme...
34)i would love to go bungee jumping ,para sailing, and scuba diving(at the great barrier reef) someday...the lists actually pretty long...
35)i fall for people who have a nice voice...nd r great at expressing themselves...
36)i have had horrible choices in men...as far as past record says...damn..never found someone i reallllly like....still looking...!!!
37)never used to listen to my teachers in classs....
38)im a big chatterbox...cant live without talking...my schoool report books can vouch for that...(teachers cribbed about how i talked too much in class)
39)i have a sweet tooth...a pakka bangali at heart...but hate rassogollas...
40)would love to elope and get married without neone in the world knowing....
41)in love with gerard butler currrently....
42) im a wusss...i cry heaps when i see emotional stuff in films...hence never wear eye make up to the cinemas...
43)i dont like being by myself for too long....
44)always need to be given enough attention by people...
45)really like it when people say i look prettty...
46)can be a psycho when im angry...which isnt too often again...
47)hate it when people waste food....makes my blood boil...
48)love my food when it has heaps of meat in it....
49)am pretty adventourous when it comes to trying food...nd other things tooo....!!!
50)i would love to be part of a detective agensy snooping around...
51)if i could have ne wish granted i would love to be able to have the power to bend time and space...like Hiro nakamura...(courtesy Heroes)
52)i love watching animation films...i try and convince everyone around me to join me in...i can be very persistent..
53)i hate being addicted to things...well i dnt really get addicted easily...
54) i have lectured guys ( pretty much all smoking-guys i know)about y they should quit smoking...nd at times drinking too...i actually bug the hell out of them..
55)i push away people if they get too close to me...i love having my personal space at all times...
56)i am a masochist...well not totally...but can be...hang on im not a psycho ...
57)i love losing myself in the world of films...
58)said things i meant from the core of my heart...but mistaken for something else..
59)felt for someone so deeply..but was unsure abt how to establish somethign out of it....
60) broken a couple of hearts...well didnt intend to but.....it just happened...
61)seen a complete solar and lunar eclipse...
62)have had recurrent nightmares about being out in public...in the nude..i mean having forgotten to put on ne clothes at all....SO Freaky...
63)gotten drunk...coz i was sad and bored..and angry with someone...
64)always had laughing fits...when i fall and hurt myself..or people around me meet the same fate...i just cant stop laughing...
65)been in the middle of a food fight in high sckool...
66)would love to date a random charming stranger....i imagine them a lot...dnt get wrong ideas...lol
67)danced with stranger(s)...on a new years eve...nd cdnt even recollect what he looked like the next morning...
68)stolen from a shop..just to see if i could get away with it...
69)made elaborate lies and lied through my teeth...to random people...on the train
70)slept through an entire day....i mean actually slept for like 19 hours...
71)pretended myself in bollywood sequences...
72)danced in a heavy downpour...
73)bitched about someone...and discovered minutes later...the bitcheee was overhearing my conversation the entire time...
74)been misunderstood by so many random people....who don't know me bloody well enough...
75)seen a baby delivery...in a public hospital....
76)experimented with food...nd ended up being disgusted with whatever the hell i had eaten...
77)one such instance was that of me being disgusted...eating raw oyesters...nd clams...
78)im mortally terrified of insects of all kinds....
79)strangely attracted to snakes...well not attracted..but i think they a kool creatures...
80)been depressed ...and actually liked it for a while....
81)have had few fashion disasters...over a span of 4 days...dnt ask me what...
82)admitted to a moron...more of a Bastard of a kind..that i had a crush on him...damn..i cant bilieve i said it...
83)bit of a dare devil....done things just coz my friends bet i couldn't do something...
84)walked over a live cockroach...eooowww...
85)purposely avoided answering phone cals coz i didt feel like communicating for a whole 2 days...
86)experimented with food preparations and ..it actually turned out well...
87)have liked someone somewhere for a while...but didnt know how to bring it up....DaMn!!!
88)been asked out by a homosexual....individual...
89)have had bad hair days....
90)have not seen the native animals in this country ..even though i have been around for a long time...
91)plan to learn French at least start classes before the end of this year...
92)walked into people too many times....did it 6 times today itself...
93)eaten almost raw fish in a sushi...
94)have had crushes on people...only to get over them..when i got to know its mutual...
95)fear i mite die young...coz of various reasons...
96)cant do a certain swift pen trick...with my fingers..i have tried heaps...and given up
97)i talk a lot in my sleep..actually have ful on monologues...with laughter..and exclaimations...and everything...
98)have spent hell of a lot of money on..clothes....
99)cant sleep without holding on to something....usually my cushion...
100)caught staring at people....and hapened to meet eyes with the staree...
101)led on people in certain ways....and felt bad about it later on....
102)felt happy about myself after doing something good...immensely happy....
103)think drawing or painting can be major stress release....have to start on that soon enough...
104)wish to witness a bItCh fite so badly....its funny lol....
105)sometimes wondered/wanted to have a handsome obssessed stalker (the type shah rukh khan played in Darr)....
106)been in way too many embarrasing situations....

phew thats a lot of things i typed up...enough of this....man..i just made up nonsense all this while...boY am i bored...
signing offf....

ThE RiSk CaLlEd LiFe.....!!!

2008-01-22T17:17:00.000+11:00

i found this somewhere on the www...and would like to plagiarise this...its so true...

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing dies nothing, has nothing and is nothing.
They say they avoid suffering and sorrow,
But they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live...
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves.
They have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.

First thing that i heard when i walked into work today was that Heath Ledger was found dead at his residence...a massuese and his housekeeper found him midday american time yesterday...first my reaction was that of shock..i mean..a 28 year old hot fit actor..suddenly dead...(apparently no foul play ivolved...but just mere drug overdose...).....
these are things that make you wonder...well it certainly makes me wonder...how uncertain life is..and how i have no clue if ill live the day to see the sunrise tommorrow.....I have certain stigmas (mental stigma) from certain incidents....that came flooding back to mind....neway....i just saw this film at the cinemas last sunday (20th Jan) starring heath ledger...its just so hard to bilieve its true...

Not that great a start to a day i guess...but whatever....i guess th eworld mourns the loss of a hot young ozzie actor...my reaction was somewhat similar when the long exiled Paki president Benazir Bhutto was killed a while back...i mean..she had just returned to her country after a long time...and met her end in a bomb explosion not long after....

Theres so much that i mean to do or see before im tied down with more responsibilities...and grow too old to do things my own way...so much...i wonder if i will be able to do all that...

quiet an abstract post this is i guess....but it does sincerely mimic what i suddenly felt at this moment of time....

IrRiTaNt...

2008-01-22T12:23:00.000+11:00

its the first Lovely sunny clear sky day since last week...may soon turn into a rainy gloomy day though...or so the weather forecasts...wish it woudnt...gloomy weathers just make things worse for an already unhappy person...i guess its a general thing...well at least i dnt feel like doin anythign..but lazing around in bed...tucked in my blanket...and looking out the window at the incessant sheets of rain...and the occassional....flashes of thunder ( on a bad storm day) make me squeal and block my ears....

I used to find thunderstorms intriging as a kid...wasnt scared...and would actually run out in the rain...the infamous KaLbAiSaKhI....(people from kolkata would knw the pleasure of being outside during a kalbaisakhi)...aka norwesters.....till my granma told me about a little girl who used to do the same and got struck by a lightening bolt when she was outside on such an occassion...i avoid them since then...

oh well today while i was on the morning train to work...there was a bunch of asian school girls who were discusssing what irritated them the most....quiet an interesting discussion it was....and when i happened to mention at to some my colleagues this topic later on...everyone came up with so many different things that irritated them...

For instance....i get damn irritated when people try to tell me all the time what i should or should not do...nd oh i get irritated by constant repetitive noises....it could be the music that plays on pc or mobile games...or the constant buzzing of insects...or someone tapping away at a keyboard....in an otherwise completely silet ambience....it drives me crazy..all these repetitive noises around.....

What makes it to the top of the list is DuMbArSe Forward chain letters...i mean not the ones that have like fruit art...or scary videos nd things ..but the ones that say a story..or relate an incident and then ...ask u to scroll down....and end like...

"blah...blah....blah...."....if u forward this letter to 5 people u get a phone call from someone in 5 mins with some godo news...if u frward to 10 people u will have good luck coming ur way and will be here to stay for a year...blah...blah....and if u dont forward it at alll then bad luck will strike...and something really terrible will happen to you....so pass it on...."

i mean...i dont get it how people can be so dumb as to even read through them and pass it on...(im ashamed i actually used to do that a long time back...donno what i was thinkin...)and then bilieve in them and forward them and expect whatever it says to happen....MaN!!!

O and the bloody emails i keep getting all the time...abt drugs to increase ur organ sizes...or silica implants....i have tried unsubcribing from these mailing list a million times....i dont knw or understand where the hell they manage to get my email id from....i mean...i check my yahoo every fortnite i guess...and i get 20 to 30 of these junk emails..inspite of my spam guard being turned on...pisses me offf....but i have given up...nothing seems to stop them...from telling me how i shld go for the "miracle Drug" to enlarge things.....

one of my friends at work....was talking about how she got a mail narrating teh incident about

...."a girl(say A) who was in love very much in love with a guy (say B)...and now A was expecting that B would propose to her soon...so one day B asked A out...and fro some reason A thought this was D-day....but B drove her out to a bridge and they got out stood there looking at the sunset...and B broke the silence by saying he doesnt think shes the rite one..and that they should call it off....A was heart broken...and ran home and committed suicide...and when A'a parents got to know that their only daughter is dead they coudnt handle the grief and committed suicide as well....and apprently later on the "girl" well i guess the revengeful spirit they mean....came out of the drain pipe at B;s place and killed B while he was in the shower....."

welll and guess what ...the mail ends with...."if you dont forward this mail on...then she ll come down your drain pipe and kill you tooo.....but if you forward this mail on...shell be happy and leave you alone..."

i mean...how lame is that...how on earth would A know that i didnt forward the mail on??is she some sort of geek....a cyber geek spirit...who can hack into your system and see who you are emailing....and R who related this incident goes...well i know its dumb..but i was thinking what if its true...and there actaully is a Spirit of A looking out for people who didnt forward that email...and what if she come down the drian pipe to pay me a visit....I coudnt controll my laughter when she said that.....i was pretty much fell of my chair and choked over my glass of water......i guess everyone has similar expiriences to share...i guess any joe blow would...

OnE NiGhT...

2008-01-18T22:10:00.000+11:00

have you ever thought one night stands can actually turn out to be full on romances..or can end up being fucked up mistakes...which end up ruining the actual proper relationship....welll theres other ways people can get fucked up as welll...i guess....nneway...yet another friday night...and obviously weekend mood kicking in...was meant to be doin somethign else rite now but the damn....fucking weather...just ruined my plans....yet nother time...neway at least will manage to catch up on some sleep and movies and readings...

today i was in a i -feel-like-doin-whatever-the-hell-i wanna...mood....but nature decided to go against...neway...sitting and collecting thoughts isnt too bad either...im surprised at how i like or well wdnt mind doing stufff..i found unacceptable..or dislaiked before...why and how did these changes happen...i donno....wish someone could answer all my Y's and How's....neway....none of what i wrote makes ne sense to me whatso ever...may be not a good time to blog...incoherent...words here and there...all over the place...but felt good to talk to a buddy of mine....may be im just thinking too much...may be ill wake up tommorrow and all the unhappiness..worries will have evaporated....like in the enchanted world...of gizelle....i was watching enchanted...a fun film....nd gizelle who was pushed into the real world NY city....is still hanging on to her biliefs...about her true love...first kiss....nd all that immensely romantic stuff....sounds too good to be true...lol...newho..shld leave it here for now....

PhAnToM MiRaGe....

2008-01-16T13:17:00.000+11:00

a few sparkling dew drops here and there...a lovely bright day....the nearly clear blue firmament ...and a random few cumulus floating around...a lone silhoutte on a narrow wooden bridge...and a meandering trickle of a stream flowing underneath...soft laughter of kids playing in th eambience...and the gentle rhythm of ringing chimes....in the mild summer breeze.....a LoSt feeling in thy heart...

This is what i was visualising when my "BlOoDcUrDlInG ScReAm" alarm rudely jerked me out of sleep early today......time to get jerked back into reality and out of the picture perfect world where everything is what i want it to be...as in Im The Queen in that creation...wish things would be remotely similar to taht picture..i have in mind...hehe...
neway on my lunch break now...kind off sleepy...and high (high on tiredness i Guess!!)....coz funny things are going through my mind....

Happened to watch P.S I LoVe YoU...yesterday at teh cinemas with P...my Roomie...Its a romantic comedy....touching flick....tugged at my heartstrings on and off...we were initially meant to go watch American Gangster(which i will tommorow)....but got sidetracked into watching this one....

Two reasons why i loved this film are;
1} starring Gerard Butler as one of the protagonists..reason enough aye...hes so HOT!!!
2}I have been feeling a bit low since the past couple of days...

Having no purpose ...or direction ....or plan whatever the hell one may refer to it as...is damn annoying...It leaves me in a cranky mood whenever i lose clarity of vision...or am unsure about things...so a romantic comedy was the perfect recipe to draw myself out of that state of mind....for a fair period of time at least....

I ended up being so "touched" by the film that i had a hard time trying to hide my sniffles as an involuntary response to nething remotely emotional....hehe....i can be such a wuss ....lol....i was bugging my friend about how much i love the irish accent...(nothing beats my love for french (the language) or anything remotely associated with France for a matter of fact).....especially from a male...i have a fetish for people who can speak well...can express themselves really welll....have had million instances where i had fallen head over heals in "crush"...with a man ..just coz he was well spoken....irrespective of looks....but mostly got nasty shocks when they turned out to be really.....not what i would imagine prince charming to be...hehe....

I also watched atonement over the weekend....another book i loved...movie was equally good...specially the cinematography....got me shedding bucketfull of tears...neway..just realised lunch times over...gotta get going...

RaNdOm ThOuGhTs On An IdLe NoOn!!!

2008-01-13T12:23:00.000+11:00

random thoughts on an idle NoOn!!
there isnt much to blog about...really...but i feel like writing something...so whatever random thoughts cross my mind are what follows...
well random thoughts are not very realistic or logical..i must say...i have mentioned this like a kazillion times before that i think too much...some of my friends would affirm that too if required...hehe....and this habbit of thinking too much..has doen moreto increase my restlessness...or make me a sad sad FACE!! Than a happy sad one....(courtesy Cheeni Kum!!!) ...hehe....wow just realised havent seen a bollywood film in a while.....but seen other flicks and done a bit of my readings and caught up with my books too....well..so far this year is shaping up fine i guess....
i saw this dutch film the other day Phileine says SORRY!!!....its a comedy....I liked it..its about this gal called philiene whos obviously from netherlands....and is in a relationship with a guy called MAX who she starts dating the day she ended her relation with herimmediate EX...Dylan....coz he was cheating on her with another chick...Max was óne of dylans friends....and evrythigns goin fine..untill one day max suddenly says that he is going to NY for a year to practise and work in darama and theatre....phileine follows him there after 3 months..and lands up at his apartment unannounced...unable to push the vacuum he had create by leaving...(oh an important fact that i missed about philiene is taht she has a big problem admitting she was wrong and saying sorry!!)
when max walks in to see her..hes shown to have mixed emotions....happy his GF is there....he gets to bonK her after all!!! Oh and they make rain and wind....dont ask me what that is...with a little imagination you can figure that out urself......!!!!
but he is taken aback coz she doesnt know about the play (a pornographic version of Romeo Juliet...he was playing romeo in it....it involved on stage fornication...)..was pretty disgusting....spoils shakespeare subtle romantic background set in the play...newayyy getting back to the story....she goes to one of the rehersals and catches max(romeo) and juliet (a fat afro female) making out....well it was part of the play....neway she gets furious...nd leaves....she ultimately goes to the premier of the show....and objects publicly to the lovemaking on stage when the plays in progress....nd spoils all of Max’s chances of a career in theatrics...nd whats funny..is when max confronts her..she refuses to say SORRY!!!that one magical word that could do wonders for people in love....(oh my my....im actually supporting this much cliched.....bilieve)hehe.......but she does it in the end...and they kiss and make up....end of story....
i would give it a 3.5 on 5....i m pretty excited about evening today....m goin to a theme park...been waiting to go on the rides since ages....LACK of compnay...damn....!!!!im becoming a friendless person...or am i!!neway...next month this timeill be much too bucy to bludge around....
and for people who were wondering what the ice cream incident was i mentioned in my last post...well...last weekend...a friend and I had gone to HUNGRY jacks to grab lunch...and mercury levels were soaring that time of the day....i felt like eating a soft serve...it was YUMM!!!!.....ummmm!!!!vanilla dipped in chocolate sauce....well becoz it was soo hot...the ice cream started to melt and drip along the sides of the cone...even while i was taking big mouth fulls....and i had to make tongue manouvers and lick around the cone...different angles and directions....and there was a group of indian guys!!! Sitting not that far from us...they were following us with their eyes....or to be precise should i say...me licking my ice cream....my friend was making subtle hand movements to make me realise i was doing the right thing at a wrong time....but i manage never to realise on time....like always....and by the time i had realised what was on...it was to late to rectify....Bloody indian guys....conjuring all types of images...out of a hot!!!! (all puns intended...hehe;)) Ice cream loving gal enjoying her ice cream....wel i have decided never to have cones in public on super hot days.....oopsie daisy...i just remembered i have to make my chicken....and shower and iron my clothes....before its time to leave for the evening...catch ya later.....(i wonder if a blog can have gender assigned to it....like people usually assign genders to diaries....lol...mines a guy!!!)neway....gotta go.....

CoMeDy Of ErRoRs....!!!

2008-01-10T20:34:00.000+11:00

some day it was yester....the morning started of with a commotion....my roomie was moving...nd hence things all over the place....misplaced my train pass...hunted for it..finally got it...ran to the station...nearly got killed...lol....thnakfully work was normal....just when i was getting excited abt leaving office..and calling it as day...i managed to knock my cupof water over..nd the H2O flowed onto my chair...nd before i could gather up what had happened...my trouser got "wet" in the wrong place....it had to have happened 5 mins before i was meant to leave the damn place..nd walk out in public...luckily...was wearing dark chords nd it wasnt tht obvious...

walked into the hairdressers place...and got my hair styled...the guy(kindof gay..actually im sure hes gay) ..i kindof have this thinking all guys who r hairdressers are gay!!!i mean....its too obvious by their body language............he tried to ask me if i would go out with him...i was like...GOD!!!didnt think i wld be arnd to see a day when gay people would ask me out...hehe....rushed back home...was meant to help my friend with some of the moving stufff....reached kindof just on time....well after the moving was done....we had an exchange about our individual embarassing moments in life...turned out,,i was not the only one..having a bad da......oops i missed the icecream incident....oh well that can be done nother day...

let me be the one.....

2008-01-04T12:41:00.000+11:00

another ditch in the road...
u keep moving...another stop sign...
u keep moving on....
nd the years go by so fast...
wonder how i ever made it through....
........................................
I want to live like an animal....
careless and free like an animal....
i want ot live....
nd run through the jungle.....
the wind in the hair...
and the sand at my feeeeeeeeeeeeet.....

somethings that mimic my wishlist....

these were lines from two of my favourite songs...there was a time when i used to be madly in love with the duo..that make up savage gardens....their songs...( the guys were pretty cUtE!!!tooooo....lol)

havent listened to them in a long time....donno why i suddenly got reminded of them...and downloaded a couple of their songs....old flames never die out i guesss...hehe....some logic and reasoning i have for things i do or say..BOY!!!it surprises me a lot of the times tooo....why i do things i do...oh welll....office resumes from monday....today is kindof my last bludging day....so doing taking advantage of tht.....quiet a hot day.....kindof a PErfect BEACH day...but booo hoooo....havent found decent company..nd its no fun without comapny...so decided to catch up on watching movies..currently multi tasking ..watching spider man 3!!the prints bad:( nd blogging and downloading songs....wooohoo just finished downloading...gonna get lost in my world for now..signing offff......MUUUAAAAAAAAH....

If OnLy!!!!

2008-01-03T10:52:00.000+11:00

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit” -Napoleon Hill

i have uploaded a couple of really messed up barely watchable video footage of the NYE fireworks...and a still snap..

heres a joke...i found somewhere...Jon goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.

On his way home, Jon puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo! He sees everyone in the street naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! "Cool!"

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife, Judi, but can't find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and the postman, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked.

Jon then says: "Damn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're already broken!"

heres another one....

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well", he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's THE night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack". The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person". He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist".

ok enough of lame jokes...lol...heres something else ......which mimics my feelings completely..and i guess it does for a lot of other people out there tooo....
its called ....if only....

There are times in my life when I sit back, close my eyes, take a deep breath and say..."if only". Then I find myself locked in once more in the past....I can't seem to move on. One minute I'm moving forward and then Im reminded of something, next thing I know I'm back in memory lane. Going through all the good times that I never thought would end...oh it feels so good to belong, to know that someone will always be behind you and you would feel like you can do anything cause you believe that when everything goes wrong, someone would catch you and prevent you from being broken....but when the person whom you believe to be more than your lover but a bestfriend too turned out to be a hypocrite then you would see that everything that surrounds you slowly melts away because they are all lies, then you would realize...if only you could turn back time....that's how I feel. If only I could turn back the hands of time then in a heartbeat I would say what I truly feel inside, I would no longer care if I would look stupid or whatever, bottomline I would be free. Its so difficult to lock up something in your heart because it just strengthens over time and when you cant finally contain it you would explode and your heart will be blown out, you wouldn't know where to find the scattered pieces. In just one wrong decision and here I am, sitting....remembering....having too many "if only's" and once again I feel as if I am in a middle of nowhere....totally lost. I know that no matter how many times I say "if only" I cant undo what has been done and that's the saddest part, we always have to live in the consequences of everything we say and do, it's the reality that life isn't like a computer that when you did a wrong command all you have to do is click the undo button or the escape key then your system is still safe....and with every painful memory, you can't just go delete it...you have to deal with it which makes me say "IF ONLY moving on is as easy and simple as saying it....IF ONLY".

things to do...resolve to do...

2008-01-02T14:35:00.000+11:00

hey hey..this beggining of the year...feeling...making resolutions....always makes me laugh...its like a thing you have to do....and feel guilty about later...when couple of mnths down the line..u reflect on the to do list...and realise...SHIT!...havnt kept up to them....but everyone tends to make em neway....im no different....well...reflecting on the past year..i know im different..i feel different about a lot of things in general.....this 2nd jan as opposed to this time last year...in certain ways....im better offf..again in certain respects im worse offf...well it balances off kindof .....life never a BED of RoSeS!!!aye....neway...i have grown to accept a lot of things....i used to winge about earlier on....

thats how it is i guess...people learn to deal and live with things...after a while....u stop caring about the shit thats happenign around....the white noise....the chaos around....seems to be deafening at first ...nd theres this feeling of drowning.....but gradually it dims out and u get so used to it...taht u would actually miss it ...if it stopped to exist...problems....wow...im surprised at my own logic...but i donno...this is how it happened with me....

stopped expecting...no more highhhhhhh hopes....better this way...at least no massacres....that way...
well well....i totally got deviated from what i started with....(thats the effect of what i read on a certain humans blog) i was surprised at how he had managed to spell out in words exactly what i feellll.....i guesss....im not the only one...thrs more like me....hehe....

Neway getting back to resolutions....welll...i have decided to bludge lesss.....work efficiently....not at home..i meant study wrk....wrap up a lot of wrk before uni resumes...KUDOS!!!!...to me..if i manage that....socialise heaps more.....it actually tends to give mod lifts even though im mostly lost in my own world of imagination....read heaps of books a have quiet a list...and watch loads of movies....that list aint taht long...but quiet so....neway....nd definitely blogrolll....im so damn addicted to this now....its a great stress release i find....lol.....pretty stressed im mostly......neway...should get back to my readings.....have loads to do....but damn..my FEET still hurt reallly bad!!!Booo Hoooo....signing offf....wishing all a great year ahead....MMMMMMUUUUUAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH....!!!!!

a lazy moment...

2008-01-01T22:41:00.000+11:00

yesterday was quiet aday...a came across so many wierdos...couple of gay people...all dressed in pink and perfect straightened hair and alll...some people dressed up in wierd outfits...out on the streets in the city...all shimmering and glimmering...looking more like people straight out of a circus cast than party animals....

spent most of today sleeping....managed to get over the crazy yesternite hangover...but man do my feet hurt...my stilletoes gave me horrible feet aches...contemplating cancelling work tomorrow...and getting some research work done..and giving my poor feet some more rest.....boy today was a HOT day...it gives that feeling...didnt feel like doin anything but lie around....and eating icecream or chilled drinks...nother year begins today...and i have made a lot of resolutions....to lead at least a couple of months of principle-lead-life...lol...lets see if i can stick to it...and also have resolved to waste less time surfing...randomly...did get abitof work done today...will get heaps done tommorow tooo....woohooo....

reflections on year 2007...

2008-01-01T03:10:00.001+11:00

damn..a year flew past at lightning pace...dont mind my errors..im not in my best state of mind i guess...had wrk today...then couple others chores...and finally having nothing better to do...joined my roomie and her kindof unknown group of friends for the new years eve....saw the 9oçlock fireworks...awesome...even managed to get some video and still footage with my fone camera..lolz....and then headed to some club in the city...i donno what had gotten into me...i drank a bit too quick...and that lead to certain revelations...and converstaions taht shdnt have hapened at alll......too many long islands and others...tend to have their effect....thank god ..i dnt have work tomoorow...but this new year...is meant to be a new start...i have promised myself not to repeat a lot of stupid things i have done in the past year...and specially i have decided to get things..under controlll...and get my life back on the rite track...if thats at all possible..i dnt regret ....taht i went out and got kindof trashed...tonite...coz this was needed to reflect on a lot of issues i needed to deal with...glad for that....i guess...btw for those who r wondering ...i looked pretty hot tonite...;)...i knw im too humble...but not nemore....hehe....its 3:06 pm...i shld go to bed..the effect of the alcohol is slowly dyeing out...i can feel it....but whatevr i do ox the drink...i incidentally tried out a shot today called..WET PUSSY...lolz....quiet a name..but yes..toomuch alco..and i cant even remember the exact taste of the damn thing....so badly wanted to try drink some screwdriver..but no onelet me...DAMN....neway...a nice tiome spent all in all..nd i shld go to sleeeppp...catch up later....HAPPY NEW YEAR to evryone....pardon the gibberish..if any...

new year begins....

2008-01-01T02:37:00.000+11:00

hey hey..brand new year... had a oxly time i reckon...on 31st .....cant remember half the things i ve done...or whatever the hell happened....hehe...shal get back later.....brand new year..brand new opportunities...lolz....byeeeee...just got back home...

white noise....& the reflective silence....

2007-12-28T22:49:00.000+11:00

i kept drifting into and out of this trance like slumber so often...it felt like i was heavily drugged...a light..almost feather like feeling..but a head as heavy as lead...can't begin to describe it properly...but that was what the beginning of this week was like....i got back home yesterday....and the insomnias siezed me....it has me tightly gripped...beginning to live like a zombie...not getting enough sleep..resemble a ghost more than i resemble a frail human....

inspite of the fact that i dnt have a well balanced diet...i donno where from pimples get their nourishment...they are happily...multiplying...(OH god...no no its not multiplying...i meant they are playing their own hide and seek game).....i dont nourish a farm...hehe....

i have been watching quiet a lot of films lately...a wild mix of hollywood and bollywood (kindoff)....among ones i saw..worth mentioning is LOLITA...well yes its the picturisation of the "ïnfamous" controversial russian literary Vladimir Nobokov....

Well anythign out of the ordinary...or if i may say...deviant from normality...undoubtedly ...gets my undivided attention....to put it in a better way...i get hooked on to uncoventional stufff...lol be it people..or things...or idea...hehe...

nd i tried reading the book a year or two back...but the style of writing though excellent..the descriptions described in the book are pretty detailed...and i wasnt quiet able to continue with the book...but wanted to hear the end...and hence decided to get the film from the closest dvd Place....well..the film excellently made...Jeremy irons...the guy who plays one of the protagonists (prof. Humbert) did a great job...and his nymphet...the 12 yr old ...dominique swain...a gorgeous girl...did justice to the character......i felt mixed emotions while watching the film...while it kindof disgusted me the whole...nymphet...middle aged man screwing relation...at the same time...i appreciated the bond they shared..their little "secret"....oh well..all in all.....a good film......

My my it seems i have no life...its a miserable feeling...im embarrased even admitting it...but its kindof true...but yeah...oh welll....im happy in my unhappiness...and depression...and all that crap...nothign i do can make things betetr...got the hang of trying...so im goin with flow...lets see where i end up...lol....

end of another year...

2007-12-27T16:36:00.000+11:00

Boy was this year quick...it flew past in the blink of an eye...hard to bilieve its almost 2008 can feel myself growing old...no xcitement about birthdays...or new year..or nething else about life in general ....lol...feels funny...when i think about it...its just more responsibilities...more of crapped up life...nd nothing atall interesting to look forward to...all i can see when i close my eyes..are..a cracked mirror....a dark...dingy room....smoke outside....nd bad visibility....clouded vision...i plan to plan such a lot of things...but my rotten luck..i guess...that nothing i ever want or plan goes as planned...lifes just fucked up....learnt from past expirience...no more elaborate planns for me...going with the flow...is better..at least no more smashed hopes and broken hearts....hope though that the new year is a bit different....have many randoms things in mind....lets c if they happen...gotta go now...

AN emotional FOOOLLL.............

2007-12-22T02:59:00.000+11:00

My my was today a busy day....i had wrk all day today...pretty much....first at my usual place nd then at the park.....i did the night shift....which wasnt too bad...my trainer...was an auusiiee gal ( tasiee to be more precise) and we talked heaps....coz it wasnt a crowded day....hardly neone was coming to out window...hehe....she turned out to be way younger than me...though her built...(shes a significant bit healthier than me) suggested otherwise....neway.....it was super windy when i left milsons point....looked like a night shot out of a bollywood film.....i pretended to be a lost scared gal (actress ...in case someones wondering)...hehe......
Yesterday....chritmas party was good....it was at a hotel .....ambience was great...and people had shed their office look and also...i have noticed that at such gatherings one actually gets to see the animal inside....behind the composed features.....plenty of food and drinks...i hardly ate the main course...coz 1) i had too many prawns (entree) and i cant bilieve i actually tried half a fried baby octopus...wasnt as disgusting ias i had anticipated it to be...it actually tasted “normal”..but i couldn’t get over the fact that it was an octopus.....nd checked it....
Neway....i wore all red....except for my JACKET which was black....DAMN...have to buy a red jacket...although black was quiet acontrast and looked good....nd i looked good (ok...i know you must have raised your eyebrows already....abt how “HUMBLE” i’m ...but i cant lie can i.....???)but it turned out a lot of people at work turned up in red...well no one was all RED though ....from head to toe....apart from ME..ME....ME.....;)i tried LONG ISLAND ICE TEA....BoY! was it good....the first sip hit me....i felt it....got kindof a bit “TIPSY”after that and some champagne....all the things ...feelings ...emotions ....i have been trying to block out came rushing back....and i almost did call “someone”up.....but didnt...eventually....thank GOD for that.....or it would have turned into a messy episode...may be....
These days i have started doing stuff i normally wouldnt do....i kindof try not to think toooooo..much before doing something...coz my habbit of constant analysis just spoils the fun ......wrenches it out of a lot of things....nd i actually quiet like it this way....
Oh well...slept in today...a bit ...and then work as usual....nd then luna park.....finised work at 10:00 got hoem at 11pm....and chit chatted with my roomies for a while...just finised watching WO H LAMHE....one of my favourite films...not coz i think the protagonists have done a really good job..but becoz.....i can relate to the plot...it seems so surreal the fact that some one can love someone else to the extent they have portrayed in that film.....would have to be bloody lucky....i would say....this films mesmerizes me every time i see it...no matter how many times i have already seen it..i always end up with moist eyes....towards the end....its just too touching....but im trying so hard to become a stone hearted soul......would be better offf......i reckon....all this emotional stufff...seems like a waste of time....and breathe....coz at the end of the day...LIFE is a bitch...and people around even more so....nd i tend never to get nething out of time invested into nourishing relations.........
GOD...its like quater to three almost...and im up late typing up this blog....what the helll.....i so dont have a LIFE.....DAMMIT!!!!!i am goin to visit a frnd tommorroww..she has heaps planned...which hopefully...if weather permits....we will be able to do all that she has plaaned out....then.....some more time devoted to nourishing relations....lol....its my birthday.....another damn....day....nother year closer towards DEATH......tahst how i have started looking at it.....DAMN...i sound majorly depressed even to myself.......CRAP.....i should be happy.....neway...im too tired....should go to sleeep i guesss.....signing off.....

this thing called...LIFE

2007-12-19T21:20:00.000+11:00

hehe...im back yet nother evening....or should i say nite...was so convinsed that i would not waste time...well i did make an honest effort....but DAMN...SEEK was stuffing up....will make nother effort to do some work now....wanted to try out some noodles from the shop down the corner...MAN...did i get a shock...it says FRIED HOKKIEN NOODLES...nd the pic is quiet a decent one..a platter full of prawn...and somethign tht resembles chicken...but when i started eating and chewed half of this ""THING"" did i realise i just swallowed an octopus....eoooowww....neway...never experimenting with asian food ever again....something amusing happened yesterday...lol...i walked into the house ......rite into an almost "OX-making" ....took me a sec to realise and thn i bolted out of the door to get a good laugh...hehe....

tomorrow is our office chrissy party....well im wasnt too xcited abt the party untill today...when on the train back home...my friends and i started gossiping..to be precise BITCHING....muhahaha..abt certain other interesting people...nd the discussiion is bound to continue and get juicier tomorrow...looking forward to it...OH and most of all....IM the RED gal tomorrow....its an all red look i shall have.....i ox dressing up needless to say...nd im obsssessed with RED!!!!well its at coogee at some hotel....nd after lunch we can take full advantage of the promiximity of the BEACH....nd strangely enough ( its great though) we can dress up in beach compatible outfits if we wanna....cant wait for tommorrow....its gonna be heaps fun...and mite be travelling to the mountains to visit a frnd and look arnd over the weekend....nd then MONDAY is my DdAY...not that im too xcited abt it...this day has lost its charm....gone are the days when i used to wake up a happy angel on the day.....now too much is on in life....the excitement getting drained too often....neway....thats how life is i guesss...LIFE...or something called LIFE....

yet another meaningless moment....

2007-12-16T23:54:00.000+11:00

its the end of another weekend...sunday nite...almost Monday (SHIT!!!) i should be in bed....but as usual insomnia.... insomniac---ihave become one....is keeping me up...nd my too much of brainwork...more of wastage....hehe....i should have gone out with a friend yesterday..but....didnt feel like socialising....doesnt sound like me to myself...but yes....stayed home today as welll...ended up doin some productive work though today.....talked to my folks....didnt have much to say..they kindof picked up the hesistation between lines....nd someone else tried their best to annoy me as much as possible.....a nutjob....neway....nother week of office and then....its holidays.....

Woke up to a phone call from WRK today...i completely messed up my roster...i was meant to be working today...but instead was in dreamland....and woke up to my supervisors phone call....lol....have to be more carefull...made a blunder on the first day of work too with the cash...thats a story for soem other day though...hehe...talked to a couple of friends after a long time todaay...managed to piss one of them off totally.....to a point where shes isnt talking to me nemore....damn dnt knw how to make her see the intended joke that she took seriously....

im so tired...after awhole two days of doing nothing..it amazes me...how i can still be tired....may be its the mental drainage or is it somethign else...donno....too tired to figure taht out even...its time to say nitez....

the uncanny....

2007-12-14T22:40:00.000+11:00

i have always been bit too curious..unhealthy curiosity for the world beyond us..the other world...of the supernatural...well who isn't interested in them...evryone is rite?? i have always wanted an encounter of the sort (with a spirit or soul) my granma used to spank me whenever i brought this up.....but yeah...neway...back in 2001 while in high school had tried seance with my cuzns...well not seriously..ended up pouring molten wax on ourselves...but two years back we tried it seriously again..and this time..i felt somethign...so did one of my cuz....liek a chill going up the spine...were too scared to ever bring it up again...thats nite i cdnt go to sleep kept seeing wierd patterns and shapes in the dark...and the entire nite there were rattling noises near my window sill....man was i scared....

never went dwn tht lane ever after that ....ended up doin no productive work in the morning...my roomies niece came over..a 4 yr old...shes such a sweetheart....seeing kids makes me appreciate a lot of things in life...at times...wonder what it wld be like to have a kid hanging around me all the time...shld be fun...neway....my world pretty much revolved around her for the greater part of the morning...nd later had some good time conversing abt how shitty life can be...as usual.....but a lot of things and perceptions in general about life have changed for me...my cousin actually got kindof worried abt me when i was talking to her the other day....she thought i had issues i shld discuss with her...or i would apparently go mad...

Now im super sleepy...tried to watch a film..but mind wasnt really into it...then tried reading a book but no cdnt do tht either...just digging into past...was goin thruough some conversation i have had with some then significant people...lifes such az bitch...i tend to get penalised for all sort of things i havnt done..donno why...this restlessness is just

with or without a reason....

2007-12-13T18:53:00.000+11:00

another day is getting over...a bright sunny day it was....quiet an ok day....i was having a conversation with one of the gals at work...she is having troble in her relationship...so is my roomie...evryone i know is kindof actually.....evryone thinks their problem is the worst ....to each his/her own....i guess...a lot of people..friends from back home and here....i sometimes think (well actually a lot) why do people like or even love other people...what is it in others that attracts people to them...i go for the inside person more than outside....not tht it doesnt matter but...yeah...neway....a high skool friend txtd me today...from india..i had lost her number...and kindof she had been pushed to the background...too..even though we spent good times together this time.....felt good she acyually took time to sms me and let me knw her details updated...ill try to keep touch....theres these few people....even if i channelise a lot of effort into keeping good terms with them..they cdnt be bothered....or rather..make sure they make it obvious....this after a lot of sweet memories...is just a shocker....one feels really hurt for a week or so..then it kindof sinks in..and then you learn to accept things the way they are and live on like it never happened....i guess....certain times...though....its just horrible...a fresh stab...when u have a normal conversation...and get the feeling its all like old times...but no...the misunderstanding is cleared up soon enough when u hear the back bitching/back stabbing from random people...shreds of conversation that is....i have stopped trying to work out these things once and for all.. they r just not worth the effort...just a lot of wasted emotions and breathe on a lost cause....im really hungry...should go eat something...

nothing better to do....

2007-12-11T21:37:00.000+11:00

its nearly 9:45 pm....i just got back home a while ago....damn tired...had a quick dinner....and i can almost feel the drowziness....slumber is like heaven....
i was supposed to start some serious work....but due to various reasons...came home really late today....have been getiing almost migraine like headaches for the past two days....dont knw whats wrong.....have a million things on my mind rite now....

as confused as ever abt loads of stuff nd not a soul i can talk to...was hoping to talk to my cuz...but shes a sick puppy for now...so i guess things have to wait....somethig else made me realise tht my pain threshhold has increased...not a pain wimp nemore kindoff...hehe...im writing all nonsense...i guess shld get back later....to exhausted to think straight...nite..

death of communication.....

2007-12-06T20:34:00.000+11:00

havent been able to blog for a while...welll the neighbourhood network i used to access is dead...and so has resulted in communication being cut off between me and the rest of the world....im currently reading a novel by an afghan author...Khaled Hossein...THE KITE RUNNER....some book...very touching story....im quiet a wuss at times...i have been constantly crying while reading the book...its an involuntary reflex....i have...very emotional...set against the backdrop of war ripped afghanistan mostly....

Have to start working on my thesis though...promised myself that tonite would be it....when i stop playing around and do some serious work....Last weekend was spent in nourishing..or at least trying to nourish relations...dont know if its still mal nutritioned or recovering...hehe...but neway...the total effect was desirable...caught a bad cold on my way back home at night though...and have had a fever and sore throat...runny nose...the full package in short ever since...heaps betetr today....nd something else thats happened is im gonna be working at a theme park as of this week...

It should kindof help in driving away the constant y of my ambience (mostly)....fingers crossed....nd will earn me some extra bit ofcash as well...so all good in the end...i was alone at home....so before the depressive mood could set in ...i escaped into the cyber world and here im now sittign in a cafe blogging and talking to a high school friend of mine....my roommates arent gonna be back untill late tonight...CHRISTMAS PARTY time.....neway.......im gonan go back and do some serious reading cook up some edibles and also try to catch on some lacking sleep.....guess thast all there is to be said....gonna have to deal with absence of cyber world...for a while till i get a decent net connection....signing offf......

the art of living....relations and all that...

2007-11-29T12:50:00.000+11:00

its has been a while since i moved places....to be precise...two whole weeks and a day....im liking it...luckyly my roomies are good/ok....and we try to be there for each other when someone needs help...

Lately a lot of people around me have been having issues with relationships...be they with their significant other or just acquaintainces...or even good friends and colleagues......

At times people tend to rely so much on people...they just know kindof not toowell even...but intuition makes us do thigns otherwise...this can also be called a result of thinking with the heart ratehr than with the BRAIN...hehe...

i have been effected by other peoples lives time and again...to a great extent....where i have puto=in more effort into making the other person feel comfy and better...while my own crises were pushed back to the furthest corner...but....hardly ever have i got the same response from those very people....

Wasting emotions and feelings for "friends" has become a thing of the past....it seems...most people feel that way...in this modern rat race....too much work presure...personal issues to be handled and all th other things that need to be taken care of....peple are becoming mechanical...more liek a robot....no emotions..its liek you dont wannna invest time knowing someone or making someone feel wanted ...given a choice between doin the aforementioned and earning a few extra dollars....obvious choice here burns down to $....

a lot of times....i have seen people..my parents even complain..that i dnt spend enough time with them...this time when i went back to kolkata....this was somethign i heard too often....i even realised that so very often people arent the way they seem to be...even your closest family and friends seem to be kindof distant and liek strangers at times....even if i stayed home for a week mom and dad would be like thats not good enough...i shld not go out socialise with friends everyday...they failed to see that i wantted to catch up with other people too after staying away from home for nearly 4 years...but i know i cant really blame them....they want their legitimate share of time with me tooo...

I cooked proper food for the first time since i moved....and i was pretty impressed when it turned out pretty good..without supervision aye (although i did call up ma and asked her why the hell the potatoes were taking so lang toget boiled...twice hehe!!!)but it felt good.....cant afford the luxury of home cooked food all the time though once middecember is here....evrythign needs to be slotted into cooking time...washing time...etc etc....

I dont eevn know what i started off with when i started typing this blog..and where im ending now...just mixed expressions....i guesss...neway i sound way to confused....lunch is getting cold...nd im stomachs making noises again....HUNGRY....adios...

a new week begins with a not that great start....

2007-11-26T12:42:00.000+11:00

its monday again...the worst time of the week....dragging myself out of bed after a late nite sleep (or should i say sleeplessness) is bad....i had made a promise to myself that i wouldnt stay uptoo late..which i kindof did....was up till around 12 only...but nature had other plans for me...my roomamte found yestarda of all days to have a full on lenghty fight/discussion about her marriage nd her family issues with her Boy friend ( actually friend i think....shes isnt capable of finding herself a guy...)...neway...nd boy was she loud....i was tryinto catch soem sleep ..but i kept hearign snatches of her conversation...about trying to kill herself....and how her parents would disown her...and a whole lot of other shit...felt liek screaming out loud...when a few coughs and Ahem...ahemms didnt work...

so my effort was wasted...but im gonna try it tonight...again....i ahve also decided to exercise and cook at last...eating out or eating frozen stuff is just making me sick....i could be convinsed im never gonan eat pies or chicken bites ever in my life again....

only for today though for lunch i was craving soem noodles from this great shop down the street...and im pigging out no wonder ...but this is the last tiem in a long time...do have a lot of other stuff to do rite now..lunch times running out...adios...

a bit of this and that....

2007-11-24T21:12:00.000+11:00

have not done anything productive....or should i rephrase it...worthwhile...today...have been staying up too late for the past two weeks....my frnd just mentioned i kindof have dark circles (in their neo natal state) and a budding PIMPLE....Damn!!!!why meee??????
so have decided to take up good habbits and chuck bad ones lets c if it works....need a beauty sleep LOL.....welll i am getting pretty frustrated...have been trying to watch heroes ( one of the links wdnt start up and nother one played for 20 mins and then just buffers for eternity...) and house ( i have looked evrywhere for it ,nowhere to be found)...all of today....
feel like a zombie....i managed to burn my pizza to charcoal today...was at home alone ...too engrossed in posing and doin my usual thing..and exploring things to remember that i had set a 10 min time for heating pizza....btt i realised.....my lunch was a disgusting,foul smelling,lump of black crap....also managed to slice my finger with a certain something(i donno what the things called in english).....hehe

am still trying hard to watch heroes while im typing up this blog...its so different from neother wekends in recent past..all i did today was laze around...talk to some friends...and family...and discuss certain rather interesting things with my roomie...u knw things thats chicks talk abt...the usual ones....and then the discussion ended with dissing guys...and what a pain in the arse they can be....hehe its like we get a pleasure by calling out fellow humans (out counterparts..hehe) cold hearted bastards....aha but it didnt stop there...we moved on to how many bitches are running astray these days too...hehe...

neway im kindof bored now....had thought of cooking tonight but it aint happening...just too lazy to get up and cook now...will manage another night on pies and chicken nuggets i guess...

was planning on watching a bengali film though...im in my "ï have to watch a "gud" bong film now" mood these days....stayed uptill three thrity yesterday watching some..even though i was tooooooooo tired nd kindof needed to catch up on sleep....lol....but im going to mend my ways just on time....nomore late nights.....;)

life as it is......

2007-11-23T23:15:00.000+11:00

another weekends knocking at the door...friday mood kicking in...im at my best onfridays....anticipating the two days of sleeping in till late....not being bored....doing things i wanan do etc...last weeks been prety crazy.....i have to get into a habbit of sleeping early though...pretty much every day last week went to bed past 12 am....and the hangover the next day and the next and the next..it just keeps going...on...is bad.....neway.....today.....was a nice day....good start to the day....

some random stanger commented on my way to work that i looked very pretty....i gave him my best smile...trying to maintain my cool....but i could feel the warmth creeping on to my cheeks....DAMN....he saw me turning into a turnip at the slightest comment...hehehe

welll...i have been tryin to avoid passing places where theres lots of shops...coz im ashopaholic...its like this addiction i have for clothes....ended up buying two really nice jackets( it was a good buy though)...proud of my purchase...but thats it cant buy nethign more for a long time...my cupboards gonna burst one of these days....

at work....
the mornign started with a bang...well not for me..but one of my fellow colleagues...Fridays are casual...and guess what he decides to wear....A Blue T which says "FUCK OFF LIBERALS" ....this on the pre Federal election day and with a lot of opinionated clientele roaming around our office block...not a great idea...he was told to put on a jumper...hehe....nd i thought democracy existed....

....our reception person was in a meeting for a while tday...so i was attending to that..a good break frm the monotonity of my own wrk...day seemed to move at a snails pace....just coz i was impatient and wanted to get the hell outof office....met up with uni friends today after ages....we went to the rocks...it was kindof drizzling slightly....four of us met up...walked through the moonlite market ( i think tahst what its called)...was too hungry to stop by and look at stuff though..had dinner ( hard to bilieve $26.80) at an italian pizzeria...talked and talked abt how lifes been going for all of us....

then we walked dwn to starbucks and had some hot chocolate warmed up and came back home...really njoyed the company...we sat there gossiping and discussing with each other...for ages....could almost see the backdrop change into the uni library or the river bar...like olf times....those were good old days...now evryones just too busy...working or doing whateever the hell it is....to even message or chat once in a while...lifes so mechanical....makes me sad at times....

i have taken up from where i had left off with the house of the dead...pretty depressing story...but interesting nonetheless....i also got a new phone today....pretty excited ...exploring what it has to offer...heaps of features and all...black sleek body....have an eventful weekend coming up tooo...loadsof cleaning and household chores to be done not to mention shopping ( groceries ;) this time}....gonna go watch house now....have to catch up .....

out of hybernation...

2007-11-20T12:29:00.000+11:00

I have been super busy in the past week...not had the time to blog....some anonymous reader asked me why....well...movings cals for settling and unpacking too as an afetrmath...i have been doing a bit of that and also...mostly chatting with my friends...roaming around the city aimlesslessly...not knowing what better use i can make of my new found freedom...lol...im kindof in a daze....watching films...my god i have seem Om shanti Om 5 times already i think....me and my roomie keep rewatching the Tamil film shoot....and rolling on the ground when SRK goes...naughty pussy ....and raascella MIND IT!!!!!
A lot of people i know have started to comment on how i think a bit too much....and take things way too overboard or seriously when in fact certain things dnt need that much of attention....Im beggining to think its kindof a serious problem....

I had anticipated that this move will be followed by less tiredness...and more sleep...less of nocturnal net surfing....and easing into the mood to study....but helll....nothign like thats been happening...well i dnt stress as much but been cuttign dwn on sleep...either watching films...or connecting with people...or going out....and the lacuna of sleep is starting to tell on my health...dnt have much of an appetite...went out for dinner yesterday nite with my roomie...she kindof had to take up the role of my MUM telling me to get more generous helpings of food...when i started harping about having eaten toomuch...and feeling bloated up....

oh well it feels good to see someone cares at least...neway shes an absolute sweetheart...we gel well..being two mad caps as we r always competing for the title "Queen nutcase"....hehe....

I have kindof seen that if i dont stick to my usual routine for things...everything around just goes haywire....well my system does too....i have been sleeping late as usual...but getting up 45 mins later than when i used to at my previous nest...but i end up panicking and rushing forgetting lunch....or almost go out with clothes not properly doen up...run to the station manage to hop on the train just as its about to slam shut on me....its a mad rat race..and strathfield is so damn crowded at the early hours of the day....

today the house is supposed to get cleaned every nook and corner...and weve decided that its high time we started doin some serious house wrk and cooking instead of pigging out outdoors....i have been eating chicken and vegetable pies for god knows how long...and can almost see my appetite getting bashed to death when i open the fridge and see the pies taht r still left to be eaten....sick of em.... :(

rest nothing much to be said really...apart from the fact that im still devoting a lot of "my" thinking time and raking my gray matter to figure out how i function in certain ways at times....and how other fellow homo sapiens around do too....more i think more i tend to get confused though....but its like a disease i cant stop thinking.....

A lot can be blamed on certain fellow humans....and on the books i have been reading in recent times....depressive as hell but for me ...they hold my interest...and are unputdownable....hehe....im running out of news..and can heard my stomach groan in complaint for lack of food...signing off for now...

comments and criticism...

2007-11-18T21:16:00.000+11:00

had a oxly weekend....a pinch of pepper with it....i cant bilieve i have managed to watch OSO (Om Shanti Om) so many times in the past week....me and my

A walk to remember....

2007-11-14T12:37:00.000+11:00

i moved out finally...living with friends now...well its a wierd feeling...i have been craving this for a long long time...but when its finally happening....i feel a bit sad and immensely happy ......feel a void....will get better hereon though...slept pretty late day before hence a hangover yesterday...had to do a lot of things too so took the day off work....and went home early....was just by myself....my mind was a "montage" of happy/sad....memories....flashes from recent past.....i specially remember the day we (my cousins and I) lied at home about a day out in the city (bicenttenial park) but actually landed up at BONDI Beach...spent a lovely 3 hrs building sand castles or lazing in the sun....gentle waves kept coming and lapping us up...time and again...and then we had sandwich on the rocks and walked the coast line from bondi to coogee....passing bronte beach (tiny one) and waverley cemetary (its beautiful...the pic above is one of the tomb stones)....catch glimpses of it in DIL CHAHTA HAI...the background in Tanhai....

neway apart from these occasional good times i had..there were plenty that totally killed the good spirit inside me....

started to get bored and lonely .....my friend came home just in time...we just sat and chatted late into the nite....and i didnt even keep track of time...were so engrossed...by the time we looked at the watch it was nearly 12....but fell asleep the minute my head touched my pillow....which hasnt hasppened in a million years...i guess things are starting to change.....im happyyyyy.....so long so good.....

random ness....the idiot(s)

2007-11-09T13:34:00.000+11:00

today is diwali...an auspicious day....and to top it all its a FRIDAY .....which means weekend mood setting in.....and uh..huh...more reason to be happy...im moving tomorrow...yipiiiii... ;)

today started like any other day this week....i woke up to my alarm and the soothing noise of the heavy downpour outside....while on my way to work...few random incidents happened which i would like to share....

while on the train...i usually have my ipod turned on...listen to music and kindof doze at the same time .....if im not carrying a book with me....today i hapened to sit in one of those seats on the train where two sitting places face each other...there was an indian guy ( pretty handsome...i thought he looked....kept looking at him every now and again...) was sleeping ..fast asleep...at town hall station a gal who was sitting by the window seat needed to get out and cdnt do so coz our legs were kindof forming a grid blocking off the exit...she called to him
uhummmm excuse me...no answer....did this couple of times...then actually tapped ...still no response....next came violent jerking and he jumped out of his seat....every one around had a god laugh....poor thing must be so tired to be that sleepy....hehe"

some thing that happened at work today....i was going to confirm the full name and other details for a certain Mr. Gay Dickason...( well yeah thast how it was spelt on sky [the database i work on]) i was almost going to say the last name to the receptionist when i realised that its a typo...too much of a cooincidence being named gay dick-ass-on.....DAMN...managed to save my own rite on time...but both (the receptionist & I) realised what happened at the same time..and burst out laughing on the phone.....iwas bursting almost...had to hang up....

my colleague...the gal who sits next to me is dcurrently working on a conference called "shared services" and she has been calling up companies asking for people who hold that title....and guess what kindof responses she has been getting...."shed services??? what the hell is that??" stupid receptionists...either they are deaf or have a brain the size of a shrunk pea...to think someone would call them up at government organisation and ask for someone in charge of sheds or shed servicing....what morons....

running late..lunch seems to be over..gotat get back to work...bye untill i have something more to share....

a Big Mark of Interrogation...??

2007-11-09T07:01:00.000+11:00

although im kindof new to the world of blogs....im getting into the mood....i ox reading other peoples blogs....(well few interesting bloggers have my attention....)

its lunch time now....im kindof bored and already looking forward to friday night.....well its diwali after all...and i might end up socialising (fingers crossed) .....at a temple....lol....neway seeing new faces is better than seeing none at all.....might be able to get rid of the monotonity of life for a night at least....and more reason for joy...moving on saturday...can fore see the hectic day....but its exciting.....btw its rainy today...been rainign since morning....when i left home in the morning..it was a slight drizzle (while no one was looking i did a little bollywood rain dance on my way to the station, pretending to running around trees....non existant ones...hehe...its fun pretending to be in those situations...) which later intensified into a not too heavy shower....getting drenched in the rain is a lot of fun.....it makes me feel fresh.....its not so welcome though on my way to work...for an obvious reason...;)

neway getting back to what i was saying....came across this "tale" i would like for anyone who reads this blog to please comment on the stories...its from some one elses blog btw....

Heres how the first one goes....
There was this girl (ahh… interesting right?)… she has got the hots for this dude and it appeared that this dude was perfect for her.He even reciprocrates on and off.... The author referred to him as ROFH (Mr-Right-One-For-Her)… you know, stable career, has all the charm, strong chemistry… perfect … almost. But there’s a slight problem, this dude just doesn’t prioritise her. He will only call her out when he has nothing else to do. Knowing that she has got the hots for him, the dude maximise his advantage to the fullest and took her for granted. If you guys are asking whether she slept with him… well, I dunno that....keep guessing.....Then… hmmm… along came another dude, this is OTRFH (Mr-One-that’s-right-for-her)… you know, the one who prioritise her, the one who would bow down at her skirt, the one who know what she wants and fulfil her wishes.

personally well i would go for a mix between the two ( sounds too good to be true aye....) some one who gives me enough attention and is "bad" (u know what i mean......) ;)

Now, who do you think the girl chose?

The second story goes this way.....

There is this really hot looking babe with guys always on her trail. But you guessed it right, she is obviously not interested in them. At least not in the way that they wanted her to.To make thing things more interesting, she is current dating someone who is dating. Sounds confusing? Well, she is semi-dating someone who is fully-dating another person. Yeah, basically she is the 3rd party in someone else’s relationship. And hear this, she knows it’s wrong and once sworn never to do such thing for her previous relationship was wrecked by another 3rd party… talk about irony.

its hard to decide here what i would have done.....love/ strong emotions make people do a lot of things they woudnt be ready to admit they are capable of doin.....i get pretty confused when it comes to these situations....lol..im "ONE" confused soul....

what do you think would happen....would she end it there and move on to dating someone whos devoted to no one but her....or would she stick with the "bone in the meat" guy whos dating someone else....

now these really are tough questions..??!@//!! hehe

2007-11-08T08:18:00.000+11:00

wanted to share this news article i found on the internet....had me rolling with laughter...nearly fell off my chair laughing...hehe....M sure all who read this will get a good "guffaw" heehehe at least a smile (a big one) out of it.....

5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man
The questions are:
What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
1.Baseball.
2.Football.
3.How fat you are.
4.How much prettier she is than you.
5.How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
1.I suppose so.
2.Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3.That depends on what you mean by love.
4.Does it matter?
5.Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:
1.Compared to what?
2.I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3.A little extra weight looks good on you.
4.I've seen fatter.
5.Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:
1.Yes, but you have a better personality
2.Not prettier, but definitely thinner
3.Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
4.Define 'pretty'
5.Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
She....Would you get married again? He.....Definitely not! She....Why not - don't you like being married? He.....Of course I do. She....Then why wouldn't you remarry? He.....Okay, I'd get married again. She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face) He.....Yes, I would. She....Would you sleep with her in our bed? He.....Where else would we sleep? She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do. She....And would you let her use my golf clubs? He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

random shreds of happy....sad....moments....

2007-11-08T07:47:00.000+11:00

im have been tryin to get back to my usual "happy" sad self for quiet a while.....its kindof slowly getting there i think....yesterday i felt this sudden burst of energy more like adrenaline gushing through me....and it felt kindof good......decided to do something i have been postponing for quiet a while now....oh well its kindof hard to get back into a routine study mood if ones been out of touch for weeks together.......after the brief socialising yesterday....got home early.....wandered aaround the house ( i was all alone for a fair bit of time, which is what i wanted) hehehe.....and then cleaned up my room....packed some of my clothes (i do have a lot of clothes...never realised that untill recently when i have been packing things into my luggage carrier....moving this weekend...Woo Hoooo ..im excited....)found a few "missing" articles i have been hunting for since sometime......
the weather does tend to effect my mood quiet alot...im the happiest when its a perfect summer day(even though Im hot....;)) with a clear blue sky..dont mind a handful of cumulous clouds here and there....a gentle breeze blowing.....not too humid not to dry....what really gets to me is if its neither sunny nor fully rainy.....absense of the sun kindof also sees the smile disappear from my face tooo.....hehehe..too much of positive correlation i guess......lol......managed to fall asleep as soon as i hit the pillow (for the past 4 to 5 days)which is a good sign....the distant pitter-patter of raindrops outside my casement did help me lull into the dreamworld i love visiting now and again....

neway coming back to where i started..things are fianlly kindof starting to head the way i want it to.....this weekend marks a (sortof) fresh start for me.....i have resolved to seriously do something about my social habbits...go out more often mix with fellow humans.....and try to get into a "dont care" mood....once i get thr things should be fine....coz i wld not be bothered asmuch i guess if i stop connecting with people....not a great thing entirely but will save me some unnecessary problems...and wasted emotions and energy.......

aim to reach a state of ecstacy / euphoria eventually....well the rate of accelaration at which my minds locomoting is not too impressive but it needs some fuelling and should be fine...i think.....
feels good being happy......

another reason to be happy this week is.......might be able to go watch om shanti om at the theatres.....fingers crossed.....this friday....and its diwali tooo this weekend....lot happening around aye....

to end it feels great to be HAPPY....;)

2007-11-07T08:52:00.000+11:00

to love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness...
this is a beautiful quote i came across just wanted to post it.....one of woody allens quotes...

a simple gesture can make a world of difference....worth a try??...

2007-11-07T07:45:00.000+11:00

how many times have i actually thought of saying sorry to someone for something mean i said or did....but never really ended up saying it....not too often...but yes there have been times when i would do anything but utter that word "sorry"....but every time i have said that to someone....i instantly feel better.....
the incident that comes to mind rite now happened about 2.5 years ago...got into a rather rough patch with a dear friend of mine.....we had some misunderstandings ....."THANKS"
to a random idiot who i happened to pour my heart out to....and being really close friends (at least i felt that way) i was devastated when my friend woudnt talk to me and accused me of being a ***** who had no morals and shit like that....i couldn't sleep at night for days on end...cry my eyes out....people at uni would be like what on earth was wrong with me...i repeatedly said sorry even though it wasn't really my fault....neway we've reconciled since then....but things havent really quiet been the way they used to be the pre-"that episode" days.....i still lament the loss of a strong bond...but i guess life moves on....

I have had a tumultous couple of years in the recent past.....and the situations ihave been thrust into have in a lot of ways made me more mature as a person...and to try learn and live life alone....coz i am convinced of one thing for sure...my lucks pretty crap....never get what i want easily enough without having to loose sleep over it....being easily effected by whats in in and around my life....i tend to get depressed a lot these days tooo...trying to block out things but in vain.....should get there soon...i mean be successful in becoming a total recluse with no attachments (social) whatsoever.....

enough of depressing monologues....today is a big day here....Melbourne cup is on in a while .......people are xtra happy coz they thought it would have to be cancelled due to the widespread equistrian flu "epidemic" ...well almost...but o well its finally happening...im kindof unwell.....bored at work as always...;).....lol....so in a while we leave all office staff ..heading to a cafe down the street...just socialise watch the race....dine along with wine....not really dining but late lunch with champaigne and wine.....i kindof needed just this....havent met a soul outside of home....well not literally but not met up with friends in eons....hopefully will have a not that mundane afternoon afterall i guess....

few tough questions....are they really???

2007-11-07T07:39:00.000+11:00

i just happened to come across a few "tough" questions blokes often think of.....heres what experts have to say about it...
do animals have a 6th sense like us?
or a seventh in fact???....oh well a box jellyfish has 24 eyes,the entire body of an earth worm is a bloody taste receptor...cockroaches can detect movement 2000 times the diameter of a Hydrogen atom....and for those who have dogs..they can smell upto 100,000 times betetr than u can...i think they just are super human "species" neway...us lesser mortals have to learn to deal with what we have or should i say havent ;)
hope that answers the question...lol

where do traffic jams come from?
scientists are hard at work trying to get this one answered....studying numerous compute generated models of the physics of gridlocks and inventing all new traffic-light algorithms. some have even suggested that the rythms of road traffic are influenced by the same cyclical forces taht cause waves in the ocean....for an average commuter....it all boils down to ..........there are just too many people trying to do teh same thing at the same place at the same time...
p.s.:xpert suggestion....try flushing every single toilet in your office at the same time and see what happens....hehe
DISCLAIMER:do the above mentioned at your own risk...im not liable for any resultant inconvinience....hehe

Can a man and woman ever just be "friends"?
for a short time yes perhaps remotely....possible??? making the friendship last for ever requires taht one of them finds the other one at least vaguely repulsive...or they r not straight or have deviant sexual preferences....i guess....

When should a friendship be ended?
As soon as you get the sneaking suspicion that it never really began....on a personal note i have had bad expiriences with my "friends" but never really got round to ending it totally...was shit scared of being lonely...not that im not lonely now...but neway...coudnt be bothered.....

a slice out of someones life...

2007-11-06T11:00:00.000+11:00

how often does it happen that we actually watch something that we enjoy...i woudnt say its frequent...last week i happened to watch this beautiful french film..its called the common thread...was a delightful short film...the protagonist- a young maiden...claire who is a 17 year old living away from home just to be close to where she sees herself being happy....shes a tough girl with a soft heart..she loves embroidering on nice fabric...she gets hired by a middle aged lady with who she shares a common love (hence the name -a common thread) for embroidering...together they find trust and love for each other...the film ends with claire saying she wants to keep the baby girl (now growing inside her womb) who she had earlier thought of giving away for adoption after giving birth to it anonymously...meanwhile love blossoms between her and the brother of (her best and may be only friend) lucile.
the background score of the movie was like honey to my ears....
that night ( i watched it on saturday 3rd November) ended pretty well.while we were watching the film...it started pouring outside....and after finishing the film...we all ran out onto the balcony to get a feel of the rain...got soaked....no wonder the feverish feeling i have today...bunked work to hybernate....all in all a night well spent...

phobias galore...........

2007-11-06T10:30:00.000+11:00

Today while surfing the net for something worthwhile to interest my idle mind...came across this link on various types of phobias the homo sapiens suffer from....apparently people tend to get scared of really "bizarre" things...as i would think of it....im goin to plagiarise this bit...

"There are by official estimate thousands of them on the scene today--specific phobias such as the fear of nude men and women, ugly people, beautiful people, long hair, short hair, good deeds, bad deeds, and life after death. The little fears range from the fear of oneself (monophobia) to the fear of everyone else (anthrophobia), and psychiatrists say they've already scientifically labeled over 700 of the redoubtable dreads--although they've just started counting.
We have plenty of vestiophobes, people with an aversion to wearing clothing, around today, and there are even a few nonstreakers left who suffer from the fear of not wearing clothes. Among sexual phobias, or hang-ups, we can report gynephobia, the fear of women, its companion androphobia, the fear of men, as well as pornophobia, the fear of prostitutes, and gamophobia, the fear of marriage. Then, too, almost everyone has some form of zoophobia, the fear of other animals, ranging from the fear of dogs to the fear of cats and rats. But there are also botanophobes, who dislike plants, and even anthophobes, who fear just flowers. Acrophobia, the fear of heights, is also high on the list, as is claustrophobia--the dread of closed or of narrow places. The fear of thunder has 4 names, astraphobia, keraunophobia, ceraunophobia and tonitrophobia. The number of names for this very reasonable fear of sudden disastrous explosions is almost matched in our time by the number of names for the fear of being alone--autophobia, eremophobia, and monophobia."

hmmmm a lot isn't it....never really thought people could be scared of other people..when i started thinking what im scared of ...i could actually think of a few different things which i fear...i have these recurrent dreams about falling through free space and suddenly banging against something and its pretty frequent i must say...the dream ( more like a nightmare) ends in me jerking out of sleep drenched in sweat...i am always scared of missing steps when i am hurrying down or up a flight of stairs..which i tend to do pretty often ( im a super lazy and tend to rush when ever i have to leave coz im invariably running a bit late).....
I have always had this phobia about people unseen to me, watching my every move...when i was in year 12, this was back in kolkata...my granma ...who i always shared our room with ( was gone-visiting my uncle) i had changed my cycle to sleeping late into the day and staying up studying late at night...i function better that way...neway...i always used to leave my windows open and draw the curtains aside...there was this massive mango tree swaying in the pleasant summer breeze...i coudnt help imagiining something ( rather someone) was sitting there welel concealed and watching every move i made....it made me feel like every move i make is under surveillance...used to freak me out to such an extent that i ended up closing all windows and doors and doin my work...all sweaty and hot...
recently...in my room couple of weeks earlier...i coudnt sleep all night coz i kept seeing faces or patterns of twisted faces in the massive swaying tree which looked notoriously black a fair distance from my window....

Im scared of the dark....never feel so insecure as i do if im plunged into utter darkness...its like i get claustrophobic and desperately look for a way to escape this cool silence of the darkness around me.....

Once about two years ago my cousins and I tried doing a "seance" aka "planchette" and although we were convinsed that it woudnt really work two among the three of us felt something change around us when we were trying to focus on the job at hand....that was quiet a lesson...have made a promise to myself never to fool around with these kindof paranormal forces ( it they really do exist) i woudnt be too keen on on them following me around...

a carefree gud laugh.....Ha Ha Ha...

2007-11-06T08:30:00.000+11:00

Authorities said a fight broke out on board a flight arriving at Miami International Airport on Wednesday morning.American Airlines Flight 918 was en route to Miami from Lima, Peru, when, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, a 56-year-old Japanese man and a 20-year-old man got into an altercation.The FBI said that about two hours before the flight was scheduled to land, the Japanese man elbowed the passenger sitting next to him. Federal authorities said the Japanese man didn't think the passenger should be using an iPod in flight and complained that he smelled. He then poured perfume on the man, poured water on himself and vomited in the aisle, authorities said."(Flight attendants) were able to basically keep both apart for the remainder of the flight," said Miami-Dade police spokeswoman Nelda Fonticella. "Once they got here, the crew did notify Miami-Dade police."When the plane arrived at Gate D-43 shortly before 6 a.m., police greeted both men.No charges were filed, but authorities said American Airlines denied boarding the Japanese man a day earlier because he had been behaving strangely.

ever heard of the strip search prank calls....well i didnt know until now...it involves a man calling up a restaurant, claiming to be a detective who convinced managerial staff to strip-search all female restaurant employees. It took 70 such occurences in 30 US counties before police nabbed the man responsible for this..turned out to be a florida corrections officer (senile off course) who was later arrested and charged....

more too come........lol

watch this video my cousiin showed it to me...got me rolling...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=owK5tHjL0aE

Little things that go unnoticed....

2007-11-06T07:16:00.000+11:00

i have often thought of a lot of things that i only ever thought about when i was not preoccupied with other "more important" things....a smily face in the crowd......the first showers of spring (well yeah its kindof is refereshing unlike the torrential rains during winter)....appreciating something that ones family has done for them ( although people generally tend to ignore that, its kindof expected of them afterall isn't that what families are for? to stand by you all the time and be supportive)....little children running around in the park or playing on the streets....a garden in full blossom...a clear deep blue sky and the sun in a corner shining with all its glory...just the other day i walked down and spent some time at the floating raft like thing behind the opera house...it was a bright summer day not to hot and breezy...i have been meaning to go for walks since a long time but actually ended up doin mundane things even in my lunch break...when i did manage to go, absorb the fresh sea breeze and felt the salty spray on my skin....it felt heavenly...i spent quiet some time staring down at the bottomless (well not really at the harbour...it was built by reclaiming land from the ocean.....wonder how they do that) ocean.I have been goin through a rough patch in recent past and failed to appreciate a lot of things that came my way...coz the mind and heart was preoccupied with the daily "jargon" ( i do tend to reason out things and talk to myself a lot) that goes through my mind...then realization dawned on me...felt like just letting things go and lay back and njoy the sights and sounds of the ambience...it actually worked and happened to calm me down a significant bit...somethign i have noticed is the more one tends to hanker after something the further it goes from us.....like someone has wisely remarked...if you love something a lot let it go....if it comes back to you, its yours..or it was never yours to begin with.............